Elizabeth is torn between staying with her mother, who may or may not be a cult leader, or her surrogate apocalypse family. But before making any decisions our survivors must pass the Aerosmith trial!
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Special guest: Andrea Bunnin!
Check out her comics on Instagram: @prairiedrawl
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[00:00:00] Hmm? Ah!
[00:00:03] Hmm.
[00:00:06] Previously, on Welcome to the Apocalypse.
[00:00:09] Aw, damn. We got a flat.
[00:00:12] Hi! I'm Darla.
[00:00:14] You guys, I think she's my mother.
[00:00:16] What? That's heavy.
[00:00:17] Come, darling, I've been looking for you.
[00:00:19] You've been looking for me?
[00:00:20] We've all been looking for you.
[00:00:22] You build a lot of things out of rat carcasses.
[00:00:25] Thank you.
[00:00:26] Didn't really seem like a compliment, but...
[00:00:28] I want to be with you. I want to stay with you.
[00:00:30] Oh, here, darling. Put on the scarf.
[00:00:31] Okay, good. So now you're a smithy, too.
[00:00:34] Oh, that's all it took?
[00:00:37] Angry Adam!
[00:00:38] What?
[00:00:39] That woke the smithies up.
[00:00:41] Uh.
[00:00:42] Um, is that bad?
[00:00:44] Yeah, what's the problem?
[00:00:49] Angry Adam!
[00:00:50] What?
[00:00:50] I told you if you threw a tire there, it would set the landmine off.
[00:00:55] Yeah, but I thought it would be funny.
[00:00:57] It was a little funny.
[00:00:58] It was pretty... It was a little funny.
[00:01:00] Oh, um, are we interrupting?
[00:01:02] Uh, no!
[00:01:04] Actually, good news, you guys!
[00:01:06] Oh. Oh, what's wrong, Mom?
[00:01:08] What's wrong?
[00:01:08] That woke the smithies up.
[00:01:11] Ugh.
[00:01:12] Um, is that bad?
[00:01:14] Yeah, what's the problem?
[00:01:15] Well, we have a system for bringing in new smithy family members, and this isn't it.
[00:01:21] They're hungry, you see, and I need to...
[00:01:25] Kind of like when you introduce two cats, you have to keep them in separate rooms for about a week.
[00:01:30] That's kind of how we work, too.
[00:01:32] They have to get used to your smell.
[00:01:35] Oh.
[00:01:35] Okay.
[00:01:36] Yeah, we understand that we haven't had showers, but...
[00:01:41] We are pretty smelly.
[00:01:43] Why don't you just go maybe hide behind the stage?
[00:01:46] I'll meet you in a second.
[00:01:47] I just have to make something up for what that sound was.
[00:01:50] Okay, well, hide behind the stage, is there going to be a show soon?
[00:01:53] Like, you said, tonight's the night, right?
[00:01:54] Oh, that's not till low sun.
[00:01:56] That's not till no more sun slash low sun.
[00:01:58] Oh, okay.
[00:01:59] Okay.
[00:02:00] Yeah.
[00:02:00] That should be soon, I think.
[00:02:02] And then we'll add more bones to the pile.
[00:02:04] It'll be...
[00:02:04] Oh, I'm so excited.
[00:02:05] Oh, okay.
[00:02:06] Okay, I'll see you in a second.
[00:02:07] I'll see you in a second.
[00:02:09] Okay, so now we have to sneak.
[00:02:12] Okay, look out for smithies.
[00:02:15] Mm-hmm.
[00:02:16] Okay, stay low.
[00:02:17] We don't want them to...
[00:02:18] I mean, we need to follow the rules of the new community.
[00:02:20] We need to respect the culture that my mother has created here.
[00:02:24] I mean, it's really quite lovely.
[00:02:26] She's taken all these disparate people and brought them all together.
[00:02:29] I mean...
[00:02:30] Yeah, she's also brought a lot of rat carcasses together.
[00:02:33] Well, she's using the resources that she has available to her.
[00:02:35] I think it's very smart.
[00:02:37] It's something.
[00:02:38] Well, I'm happy that you found your mother and that, you know, in the apocalypse, the rules
[00:02:47] sort of change, but let's still stay on our guard.
[00:02:51] She said we're part of the community now.
[00:02:53] She says we never have to leave.
[00:02:55] She said we can stay here and be part of her family.
[00:02:57] I will admit, though, she does not seem the same.
[00:03:00] Like...
[00:03:01] Wait, duck, duck, duck!
[00:03:02] Oh, oh, oh, oh, the people are coming.
[00:03:04] Do you like Aerosmith?
[00:03:06] I love Aerosmith.
[00:03:07] Oh, okay.
[00:03:11] Okay.
[00:03:12] I think they're gone.
[00:03:13] Like, she doesn't seem...
[00:03:15] I mean, this isn't how I imagined a reunion going.
[00:03:18] Like, this isn't really what...
[00:03:19] But, you know, it's fine.
[00:03:20] I can't...
[00:03:21] She seems...
[00:03:22] She seems like a dangerous cult leader.
[00:03:23] Is that what you're alluding to?
[00:03:24] I'm angry, Adam.
[00:03:26] What?
[00:03:26] Don't say that about her mother.
[00:03:28] No, she doesn't seem dangerous, but I admit the cult leader thing is sort of accurate.
[00:03:33] Oh, okay.
[00:03:34] Oh, wow.
[00:03:34] God calls it like I sees it.
[00:03:36] I was just sort of...
[00:03:37] Yeah, no.
[00:03:37] I'm also getting the cult vibes.
[00:03:39] But, like, who said cult is bad?
[00:03:41] Cult is just a word for...
[00:03:46] It's...
[00:03:46] I mean, it doesn't have to be negative.
[00:03:47] Not every cult...
[00:03:48] Lizzie!
[00:03:51] Oh, God.
[00:03:51] Was that the dog?
[00:03:52] The dog's coming.
[00:03:53] Hurry, hurry.
[00:03:54] We have to get to the stage.
[00:03:55] A little faster.
[00:03:56] Crawl.
[00:03:56] Okay, quick.
[00:03:56] Crawl faster.
[00:03:57] Okay, okay, okay.
[00:03:58] Crawl.
[00:03:59] Oh, God.
[00:04:00] It's coming for us.
[00:04:01] The dog is coming.
[00:04:01] I'm so scared.
[00:04:02] Oh, my God.
[00:04:02] Oh, my God.
[00:04:03] It's okay, Dolly.
[00:04:04] It's okay.
[00:04:04] Dolly, Dolly.
[00:04:05] Just...
[00:04:06] Dolly.
[00:04:06] Okay, okay.
[00:04:08] We've made it to the stage.
[00:04:09] Wow.
[00:04:10] They have quite a lighting rig here.
[00:04:12] Okay, I'm coming.
[00:04:13] I'm coming.
[00:04:14] Okay, she's coming.
[00:04:14] She's coming.
[00:04:15] Okay, um, Elizabeth, make yourself look a little more presentable.
[00:04:19] Okay, sorry.
[00:04:20] Okay, I'll wipe the tears off my cheeks and...
[00:04:23] Yep, yep, and wipe the dust off of your shoulder and...
[00:04:26] Okay, okay.
[00:04:26] Dolly, get over here.
[00:04:27] What are you doing?
[00:04:28] Good dog.
[00:04:29] Come here.
[00:04:30] Hey, that dog's also wearing a scarf.
[00:04:33] He's wearing, like, three scarves.
[00:04:34] I wonder what their rank is in this cult.
[00:04:37] I mean, group.
[00:04:38] Community family.
[00:04:39] Well, I have two, so I'm doing pretty good.
[00:04:41] So, I'm glad that you hid.
[00:04:44] I've gotten all of the smithies to go back to sleep.
[00:04:48] They were very confused.
[00:04:50] Okay.
[00:04:50] How did you get them to go to sleep?
[00:04:52] I told them we wouldn't have our air ban tonight if they didn't.
[00:04:57] I did have to put one in the cage, but that's fine.
[00:05:00] The cage?
[00:05:00] That's fine.
[00:05:01] That'll just make for a more interesting show later.
[00:05:03] Okay, so here's my thoughts.
[00:05:05] I feel like there might be a misunderstanding.
[00:05:09] Oh, okay, good.
[00:05:10] I hope there is.
[00:05:12] Okay, yeah.
[00:05:13] So, listen, not everything is made from rats.
[00:05:16] Oh, oh, okay.
[00:05:18] What isn't?
[00:05:19] Some of the larger patches are made from cats.
[00:05:24] We don't kill them, though.
[00:05:26] We scavenge them, okay?
[00:05:28] We weren't really accusing you of killing them.
[00:05:31] Yeah, and you don't have to worry because we know how cats have been taking over the world lately.
[00:05:37] The Northeast is not doing great.
[00:05:39] We're fine with you taking down the cat gangs.
[00:05:43] That's okay.
[00:05:44] Okay.
[00:05:45] The rats is the weird thing.
[00:05:47] Sorry?
[00:05:47] Did you say something?
[00:05:49] Sorry, did I speak out of turn?
[00:05:51] Why do you have a knife to my mother Margaret's throat?
[00:05:53] Please, you don't have to hurt me.
[00:05:56] Mom, she didn't mean anything.
[00:05:58] Just put it down.
[00:06:00] I'm not standing between you and Elizabeth.
[00:06:03] Physically, I am.
[00:06:05] Okay.
[00:06:05] But to be fair, you walked over here second and placed yourself on the other side of me.
[00:06:11] This got real tense real fast.
[00:06:12] Okay.
[00:06:13] Sorry, darling.
[00:06:14] Sorry, darling.
[00:06:16] Under lost dress right now.
[00:06:18] Okay.
[00:06:19] Listen, I want to clear something up about me and my family that I want you to be part of.
[00:06:25] We all met at the last concert that we were all trying to get to in Yonkers.
[00:06:31] Oh.
[00:06:32] Yes, Yonkers.
[00:06:33] It's a very special place.
[00:06:35] It's a historic place for Aerosmith.
[00:06:36] And that's where our god, Steve Tyler, you know, started his band.
[00:06:43] I thought his name was Stephen Aerosmith.
[00:06:45] Okay.
[00:06:46] Excuse me?
[00:06:47] Okay, take the knife down from Angry Adam's neck.
[00:06:51] He's sorry.
[00:06:52] Stephen Tyler started a band in Yonkers?
[00:06:56] He formed his first band there and that could only have led to Aerosmith.
[00:07:00] And it's a sacred ground is what I'm trying to say.
[00:07:02] Okay.
[00:07:03] We all met there.
[00:07:04] There was going to be a concert and then there was nothing.
[00:07:09] And we're what's left.
[00:07:11] We've formed a family now and we've tried to recreate what we all wanted to see, which is Aerosmith's play.
[00:07:18] So what we do is that.
[00:07:20] We have every Sunday a concert and I want you to be part of that tonight.
[00:07:25] And it'll be your initiation concert.
[00:07:27] Oh, Smithies is for Aerosmith.
[00:07:30] Yeah, I was going to say, dear, there is a band called The Smiths.
[00:07:36] Excuse me?
[00:07:37] Nothing.
[00:07:38] Margaret didn't mean anything.
[00:07:40] Sorry, I didn't say anything.
[00:07:41] There is no band but Aerosmith.
[00:07:44] That's true.
[00:07:45] The Smiths is not real.
[00:07:46] Okay.
[00:07:47] So yeah, we'd love to be part of it.
[00:07:48] What do we have to do?
[00:07:49] How do we get it?
[00:07:49] Do you think your family will accept us?
[00:07:52] It's the only way for them to accept you.
[00:07:54] Okay.
[00:07:54] So what do we have to do?
[00:07:55] It's the only way.
[00:08:00] The Smiths.
[00:08:01] Okay.
[00:08:02] How?
[00:08:03] We're willing.
[00:08:04] Like doing a really, really good Aerosmith imitation?
[00:08:08] Yes.
[00:08:08] Oh, you're so smart, Lizzie.
[00:08:11] I knew all those games of rat poison would pay off one day.
[00:08:16] Yeah, rat poison.
[00:08:16] Oh, yes.
[00:08:17] Well, just every so often it was like rat poison roulette.
[00:08:19] She'd make like food and then she'd put it on the table and then it was like part of your
[00:08:24] dinner had rat poison in it and you never knew which one it was.
[00:08:27] And so she was like, who's going to be the smartest at detecting deception?
[00:08:31] I mean, really, it was smart parenting.
[00:08:33] She just always wanted us to be like on the lookout for, you know, just like, because,
[00:08:37] you know, if someone's going to betray you at some point in your life and you got to be
[00:08:40] prepared for what it is.
[00:08:41] Starting to figure some things out.
[00:08:44] Yeah.
[00:08:44] This is, this is enlightening, really.
[00:08:47] It was really, I think it was a really clever way to parent mother.
[00:08:50] And I, it did make me very, very afraid of eating at anyone's house or actually really
[00:08:57] any restaurant because I never knew, but you know.
[00:09:00] Yeah.
[00:09:00] And you knew how to, you, that's how you, I think, got into nursing.
[00:09:03] You're right.
[00:09:04] I got really good at childcare.
[00:09:05] I'm so proud of you.
[00:09:06] I'm so proud.
[00:09:07] Elizabeth, you don't have to give her credit for what you achieved as a nurse.
[00:09:13] She left you when you were 15.
[00:09:16] Did you start nursing school then?
[00:09:18] No.
[00:09:19] No, no, you didn't.
[00:09:21] You did that.
[00:09:22] Hey, thanks.
[00:09:22] Thanks, Margaret.
[00:09:23] Aw.
[00:09:25] You know what, Margaret?
[00:09:26] What?
[00:09:27] I'm just so happy that Lizzie found someone like you to have her back.
[00:09:31] I'm just, Lizzie, you're so good at finding the right friends.
[00:09:33] So anyway, listen, this is what we're going to do tonight.
[00:09:37] It's going to be the three of you on stage.
[00:09:40] And here's the unfortunate news.
[00:09:41] Don't worry.
[00:09:42] Small detail, but only two of you will survive.
[00:09:44] But it's part of the Smithies way.
[00:09:49] That's what makes the family so strong.
[00:09:52] So what we'll do is I'll get you some instruments.
[00:09:56] The bone pile actually has some piece together.
[00:09:59] Like there's guitars.
[00:10:00] If you want to be one of the Aerosmiths.
[00:10:06] I don't know the other guys' names, but you can be Joe Perry if you want.
[00:10:10] Or you can be Stevie.
[00:10:12] I feel like she would know that.
[00:10:13] Excuse me?
[00:10:14] Oh, nothing.
[00:10:14] I didn't say anything.
[00:10:15] Angry Adam.
[00:10:16] Don't make her angrier.
[00:10:17] And then all the Smithies will come and they'll be in front of the stage and they'll hum the song that you're going to do your air band to.
[00:10:25] Because we don't have speakers because of the whole like bombs and nuclear explosions.
[00:10:31] So anyway, they're going to hum and make throat noises.
[00:10:36] Can I ask one clarifying question?
[00:10:38] I think so.
[00:10:39] I don't think I have a choice, do I?
[00:10:41] No, because I'm a strong independent woman.
[00:10:46] When you say one of us will be eliminated.
[00:10:49] She said one of us won't survive.
[00:10:51] Yeah.
[00:10:52] Like the TV show Survivor where like.
[00:10:54] Like you mean metaphorically, like one of us won't progress to the next round.
[00:10:58] What do we mean by round here, darling?
[00:11:01] Like living to the living round?
[00:11:02] Mom, what are the bones in the pile of bones?
[00:11:06] Are those, those are too big to be rat bones.
[00:11:08] Are they, are they, are they cat bones?
[00:11:11] Are they dog bones?
[00:11:12] Are they, are they human bones?
[00:11:16] Well, the Smithies have to eat, darling.
[00:11:19] Oh.
[00:11:21] So they're cat bones.
[00:11:25] So anyway, I'll just get you to go over there beside the stage and choose your instruments and just, you know, just start preparing.
[00:11:32] And Lizzie, I'm cheering for you, sweetheart.
[00:11:34] I'll go and wake the Smithies.
[00:11:37] They'll be so excited about this news.
[00:11:39] And then we'll see you when the sun's at about almost downtime.
[00:11:43] Okay.
[00:11:44] Oh my God.
[00:11:46] Oh, some of you will get more scarves after.
[00:11:49] Oh.
[00:11:49] More scarves.
[00:11:50] Hold on a second.
[00:11:51] Now you got me interested.
[00:11:53] Okay.
[00:11:54] Um, let's go.
[00:11:54] Come on, Dolly.
[00:11:55] Let's go.
[00:11:55] Oh God, that beast.
[00:11:58] Margaret, Adam and I are going for a quick sidebar.
[00:12:01] Hold on.
[00:12:02] We'll be right back.
[00:12:10] Let's, let's go pick our instruments.
[00:12:12] No, Margaret, Margaret, stop.
[00:12:16] My mother intends for one of us to die.
[00:12:19] Oh yeah, I almost forgot.
[00:12:21] I got really caught up with like getting another scarf and I, uh, yeah, no, she, she does seem like she's going to kill one of us.
[00:12:27] We can't stay here.
[00:12:29] But look, Elizabeth, the one thing you have told us is that you had a complicated relationship with your mother.
[00:12:37] Yeah, it's gotten worse.
[00:12:40] Well, we're supposed to look on the bright side of the apocalypse.
[00:12:44] Okay.
[00:12:44] And I feel like this, this is your chance to finally have the mother that you always wanted.
[00:12:51] But Margaret.
[00:12:52] And if one of us has to be sacrificed so that you can have this moment, I'm willing to do that.
[00:13:00] Are you serious?
[00:13:02] Oh, we don't know really what's going to happen.
[00:13:05] I know I'm going to rock, so it probably won't be me.
[00:13:08] Yeah, Angry Adam's going to rock and you'll get a chance to be with your mother.
[00:13:12] And I, darling, I've lived a long and amazing life.
[00:13:16] And for all we know, getting eliminated just means we have to leave.
[00:13:23] I'm sure the bone pile doesn't really pretend anything like all that bad.
[00:13:26] That seems like pretty innocuous detail.
[00:13:29] You know, okay, Margaret, you can't die because we still don't know about your husband who was in the Mexican cartel.
[00:13:39] Well, there's so much I don't know about you, so my plan is.
[00:13:42] Yeah, we still have no idea how old she is.
[00:13:44] My plan is we're going to be so good.
[00:13:48] Uh-huh.
[00:13:49] So good at this that we will all three make it.
[00:13:55] We will be the first group.
[00:13:56] None of us will become food for the group.
[00:13:58] We're going to convert them to vegetarianism and we're going to take my mother back.
[00:14:04] Yes.
[00:14:05] Yes.
[00:14:06] I believe in us.
[00:14:08] All right.
[00:14:09] Hands in.
[00:14:10] Ready to rock.
[00:14:11] Just not Margaret, not the hook.
[00:14:13] Hand.
[00:14:13] It's my dominant hand.
[00:14:15] I'm sorry.
[00:14:16] I'm still going to use this.
[00:14:17] How long is this going to be?
[00:14:19] Other hands in.
[00:14:20] All right.
[00:14:21] On the count of three, rock out?
[00:14:25] Yeah.
[00:14:26] Rock.
[00:14:27] Rock.
[00:14:27] Yeah.
[00:14:28] One.
[00:14:29] Two.
[00:14:30] Two.
[00:14:30] Three.
[00:14:32] Rock out.
[00:14:33] Woo.
[00:14:34] All right.
[00:14:35] Let's go pick our instruments.
[00:14:37] Okay.
[00:14:37] I'm obviously the guitar.
[00:14:39] Everyone knows it.
[00:14:40] I can drum.
[00:14:41] I can.
[00:14:42] These look like human femurs.
[00:14:43] Okay.
[00:14:44] Yeah.
[00:14:45] Ooh.
[00:14:45] Yeah.
[00:14:46] I mean, they definitely are.
[00:14:48] Was there a keyboardist in Aerosmith?
[00:14:51] Or I guess I'll sing?
[00:14:53] I'd love for you to sing, Margaret.
[00:14:55] Okay.
[00:14:56] Okay.
[00:14:56] All right.
[00:14:57] Um, I think we're ready.
[00:14:59] Should we get on stage?
[00:15:01] Okay.
[00:15:01] Oh my God.
[00:15:02] The audience is filling up.
[00:15:04] Oh.
[00:15:05] Oh.
[00:15:05] Oh God.
[00:15:07] Why do they look like that?
[00:15:08] Yeah.
[00:15:09] Every single one of them is wearing leather pants.
[00:15:13] That's not.
[00:15:14] It's rat leather.
[00:15:15] That's rat leather.
[00:15:16] Oh.
[00:15:17] Oh.
[00:15:20] Uh huh.
[00:15:21] Yes.
[00:15:21] What's up, mom?
[00:15:22] Are you ready?
[00:15:23] Oh yeah.
[00:15:23] We're ready.
[00:15:24] And I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised at how good we are at this.
[00:15:27] We're going to be amazing.
[00:15:28] And then you're going to keep all three of us alive.
[00:15:31] That's, that's what I'm hoping happens.
[00:15:32] Okay, mom.
[00:15:33] I hope that.
[00:15:34] Oh, Lizzie.
[00:15:35] Your sense of humor has always been so funny.
[00:15:38] Uh.
[00:15:38] I.
[00:15:39] Okay.
[00:15:40] So, Smithy.
[00:15:41] Yeah.
[00:15:42] I love hero Smith.
[00:15:46] Okay.
[00:15:47] I just want to go over it one more time.
[00:15:50] Are you listening?
[00:15:51] Us or the Smithies?
[00:15:53] So, the Smithies are going to hum the music for you.
[00:15:57] Okay.
[00:15:58] Yeah.
[00:15:59] And they'll clap.
[00:16:00] Okay.
[00:16:00] Stomp.
[00:16:01] Yup.
[00:16:02] Brush their teeth together when necessary.
[00:16:04] Roar.
[00:16:05] Okay.
[00:16:06] That, that, that sounds terrible, dear.
[00:16:09] No, she said terrific.
[00:16:10] She said that sounds terrific.
[00:16:11] Terrific.
[00:16:11] So, that will be the music you play to.
[00:16:15] Mm-hmm.
[00:16:15] Okay.
[00:16:16] Ready?
[00:16:17] What song is it?
[00:16:19] Yeah, what do we, okay, here we go.
[00:16:21] Go!
[00:16:22] Uh.
[00:16:24] Yeah.
[00:16:25] Wow.
[00:16:26] Oh.
[00:16:27] Angry Adam, that's unbelievable.
[00:16:29] You do.
[00:16:30] Oh.
[00:16:30] Guys, can you, can you tell what song this is?
[00:16:34] I'm just hitting the femurs in the air.
[00:16:40] Margaret.
[00:16:41] Margaret, are you singing?
[00:16:43] Sing something.
[00:16:45] Yes, I'm.
[00:16:45] I'm doing the singing.
[00:16:46] I, it's, it's just mouthing it, right?
[00:16:49] Yeah.
[00:16:49] Because they don't want to miss a thing.
[00:16:52] I think we're killing it, guys.
[00:16:53] We're doing it.
[00:16:55] Yes.
[00:16:55] I'm really, I'm trying to be a very convincing drummer as I, femurs in the air.
[00:17:01] I'm shredding.
[00:17:02] And I'm opening my mouth as wide as possible.
[00:17:05] Ah.
[00:17:06] Ah.
[00:17:07] Ah.
[00:17:08] Ooh, try to go.
[00:17:10] Look, we're going to survive.
[00:17:14] Yeah, we're doing great.
[00:17:16] Okay.
[00:17:17] It looks, okay, here we go.
[00:17:21] I'm going to, I'm going to slide across the stage on my knees.
[00:17:24] Oh my God.
[00:17:26] Whoa.
[00:17:29] Oh, great.
[00:17:30] Off the stage.
[00:17:31] I'm coming back.
[00:17:31] I'm coming back.
[00:17:32] Oh, uh, hey, hey, uh, Margaret.
[00:17:34] Yeah.
[00:17:34] Uh, you, you got an eyeball on the end of your hook hand.
[00:17:39] Did I get, oh, did I get it?
[00:17:40] Did I get it?
[00:17:41] I think that's, uh, one of the smithies you got there.
[00:17:44] You kind of poked out their eye.
[00:17:45] Oh, oh.
[00:17:47] I'm sorry.
[00:17:48] I think that's pretty rock and roll.
[00:17:50] That's pretty metal.
[00:17:51] Yeah.
[00:17:52] We're rock and roll.
[00:17:53] Yeah.
[00:17:54] Oh.
[00:17:55] Okay.
[00:17:55] Let's all come together and take a bow in the middle of the stage.
[00:17:58] Yeah.
[00:17:58] Yeah.
[00:17:59] Yeah.
[00:17:59] Both hands and bow.
[00:18:02] Oh.
[00:18:03] Yeah.
[00:18:04] A corpse just fell on us.
[00:18:07] Oh.
[00:18:07] Is that?
[00:18:08] Where was that?
[00:18:09] It was up on the top of the stick.
[00:18:12] Is that Steven Tyler?
[00:18:15] Oh.
[00:18:16] Oh, you've been chosen.
[00:18:20] Chosen.
[00:18:21] You've been chosen.
[00:18:22] Who's been chosen?
[00:18:23] You've been chosen.
[00:18:25] You've been chosen.
[00:18:29] You've been chosen.
[00:18:30] Margaret, drop the corpse, Margaret.
[00:18:32] Drop the corpse.
[00:18:33] Get it off of me.
[00:18:34] Get it off.
[00:18:35] Get off of us.
[00:18:36] Oh, God.
[00:18:39] Mommy.
[00:18:40] Yes, yes.
[00:18:41] One second.
[00:18:41] Yes.
[00:18:42] Darla.
[00:18:42] One second.
[00:18:43] I'm just praying.
[00:18:44] Oh.
[00:18:45] Okay.
[00:18:45] Okay, I'm done.
[00:18:46] Okay.
[00:18:47] Smithies.
[00:18:48] Shh.
[00:18:48] We weren't saying anything.
[00:18:50] That was, that was one of the best Aerosmith concerts we've ever seen.
[00:18:56] I told you, Mother, we'd be good.
[00:18:58] We'd be so good.
[00:18:59] I loved it.
[00:19:00] Oh, so, um, the Smithies have chosen.
[00:19:03] Okay.
[00:19:04] And we're all gonna live?
[00:19:06] Oh, yes, darling.
[00:19:07] You will all live on.
[00:19:08] Especially Margaret.
[00:19:10] Wasn't quite what I meant.
[00:19:11] That's, was that me ominous?
[00:19:13] So, we couldn't decide because you were all so, you were just so like Steve Tyler.
[00:19:20] And so when the corpse fell, that was our answer.
[00:19:25] Uh-huh.
[00:19:25] That was our answer, darling.
[00:19:27] It's never happened before.
[00:19:29] Okay.
[00:19:30] What was the question?
[00:19:31] What's the question?
[00:19:31] Yeah, what's the question?
[00:19:32] Oh, who joined Steve Tyler?
[00:19:35] He's so lonely up there, darling.
[00:19:37] Oh.
[00:19:37] So.
[00:19:38] So we're all going to make a sacrifice and go hungry so that Steve Tyler can be with Margaret.
[00:19:44] Um.
[00:19:44] It's, it's, it's so wonderful.
[00:19:47] Margaret's just gonna like live out the rest of her life at the top of the band shell?
[00:19:53] Define life.
[00:19:54] That's never a good sign.
[00:19:56] Will her heart be beating?
[00:19:58] Oh, um, in all of us, yes.
[00:20:02] Okay, so that, that seems like a no.
[00:20:04] Will she have air in her lungs?
[00:20:07] Okay, Smithies.
[00:20:08] Gather.
[00:20:09] I think we can assume that they're gonna kill Margaret.
[00:20:12] Gather, Smithies.
[00:20:13] What?
[00:20:13] What's happening?
[00:20:15] What's happening?
[00:20:16] Gather.
[00:20:18] No.
[00:20:25] Stop where you are.
[00:20:26] Okay.
[00:20:27] Yes?
[00:20:28] I will not allow you to kill.
[00:20:33] Okay, can I just have.
[00:20:38] Yes, if, if this is to be our, our last few moments, it's in the Stephen Tyler discography
[00:20:45] that you must allow one more sidebar.
[00:20:48] Sounds good to me.
[00:20:49] Sounds of agreement.
[00:20:51] Okay, here's the thing.
[00:20:52] I, I don't want to make this choice.
[00:20:55] I have to choose between my birth mother, Darla, who was a complicated and yet absent part
[00:21:02] of my life for so long, or, or I can choose Margaret, who was not my birth mother, who is
[00:21:08] really actually probably the age of a grandmother to me, but she has been.
[00:21:13] Okay.
[00:21:14] So, I just want to be accurate.
[00:21:17] We don't know.
[00:21:17] I just, I, I just want to not.
[00:21:19] We have no idea.
[00:21:20] We're going to have to figure that out someday.
[00:21:21] But yet you've been as kind to me as a mother has never been.
[00:21:25] Oh.
[00:21:26] So what, what should I do?
[00:21:28] Margaret, when I look at you, I don't want to close my eyes and I don't want you to metaphorically
[00:21:35] fall asleep because I'd miss you, Margaret.
[00:21:38] Oh.
[00:21:38] And I don't want to miss a thing.
[00:21:40] I don't want to miss a thing either, darling.
[00:21:43] Margaret, Margaret, I choose you.
[00:21:45] I choose you.
[00:21:48] Well.
[00:21:48] How do I just.
[00:21:54] You know, when life hands you lemons.
[00:21:56] Yeah.
[00:21:56] Just say, fuck it and bail.
[00:21:59] Yeah.
[00:21:59] We can, we can just leave.
[00:22:01] Like, uh.
[00:22:02] Yeah.
[00:22:02] Okay.
[00:22:03] There's no like walls behind us.
[00:22:04] We are outside.
[00:22:05] We could just kind of like.
[00:22:07] Oh.
[00:22:07] Oh yeah.
[00:22:07] We're having our sidebar like backstage.
[00:22:09] Like they can't see us.
[00:22:10] Here's, here's what I think you should do, Elizabeth.
[00:22:13] Uh huh.
[00:22:13] You should, you should go out there and say, hey mom.
[00:22:18] Yeah.
[00:22:19] And then just give her the middle finger.
[00:22:21] Oh.
[00:22:22] Yeah.
[00:22:23] That'd be really cool.
[00:22:24] And you know what?
[00:22:24] I'm giving you permission to do it.
[00:22:27] Okay.
[00:22:27] Here's what we're going to do.
[00:22:29] Um.
[00:22:29] Oh man, the truck is two hours away.
[00:22:32] Um.
[00:22:33] Well, only if we go in a straight line, I think it's only like 10 minutes away.
[00:22:38] Okay.
[00:22:38] How about you guys go, you run and you grab the truck.
[00:22:41] Okay.
[00:22:41] And I'll hold them off.
[00:22:43] I'll, I'll cover for you.
[00:22:44] And then you come back with the truck.
[00:22:46] What?
[00:22:46] She didn't even finish the plan yet.
[00:22:48] Okay.
[00:22:48] Margaret, you just go.
[00:22:49] Okay.
[00:22:49] You bring back the truck.
[00:22:50] Okay.
[00:22:50] We're going.
[00:22:51] Okay.
[00:22:52] The tire.
[00:22:53] I've got to grab the tire.
[00:22:54] Hold on.
[00:22:54] Okay.
[00:22:56] You're really going to have to distract them.
[00:22:58] I will.
[00:22:59] Okay.
[00:22:59] Okay.
[00:23:00] Ahem.
[00:23:01] All right.
[00:23:01] I'm walking back onto the stage.
[00:23:02] Okay.
[00:23:03] Hello.
[00:23:05] Smithies.
[00:23:06] It is I.
[00:23:08] Elizabeth.
[00:23:09] Hi.
[00:23:10] Your mother's.
[00:23:12] Real daughter.
[00:23:14] Robble.
[00:23:15] Robble.
[00:23:15] Whoa.
[00:23:15] What the hell?
[00:23:17] Robble.
[00:23:17] Robble.
[00:23:17] I have something to tell you.
[00:23:19] What?
[00:23:20] Um.
[00:23:21] Margaret will, will sacrifice herself.
[00:23:24] What?
[00:23:24] Okay.
[00:23:25] Sorry.
[00:23:25] Ahem.
[00:23:26] Can you all hear me?
[00:23:27] Is it?
[00:23:27] Can you in the back?
[00:23:28] Can you?
[00:23:29] Just use.
[00:23:29] In the back.
[00:23:30] Can you hear me?
[00:23:31] Use the phone microphone.
[00:23:32] Oh.
[00:23:33] Okay.
[00:23:33] I'm not sure it actually.
[00:23:34] Okay.
[00:23:35] It doesn't work like.
[00:23:36] If you believe it'll work.
[00:23:38] Okay.
[00:23:38] You know, placebos do have a really.
[00:23:41] They've been shown in the medical community.
[00:23:42] You're being too loud now, lady.
[00:23:44] Quiet down.
[00:23:45] Sorry.
[00:23:45] Okay.
[00:23:46] I mean, Margaret said to kill time.
[00:23:47] This is really working.
[00:23:49] Okay.
[00:23:49] All right.
[00:23:50] So here.
[00:23:50] I'm holding the mic.
[00:23:51] Is this a good volume?
[00:23:52] Can you all hear me now?
[00:23:53] Can you adjust it like two decibels?
[00:23:56] Okay.
[00:23:56] Sure.
[00:23:57] Yep.
[00:23:58] Look at me turning an imaginary knob.
[00:24:00] Okay.
[00:24:01] Here we go.
[00:24:02] So.
[00:24:03] My.
[00:24:05] My mother.
[00:24:07] Darla.
[00:24:08] Abandoned me.
[00:24:10] When I was 15.
[00:24:12] She left my family to follow Aerosmith on the road.
[00:24:17] I mean, I did that too.
[00:24:20] Yeah.
[00:24:20] I'm sure all of you.
[00:24:22] Me too.
[00:24:23] Yeah.
[00:24:23] I.
[00:24:24] Well, you're.
[00:24:24] I'm sure you all felt what she did was a.
[00:24:26] Was a reasonable thing.
[00:24:28] But to me, as a 15 year old, it was so hard.
[00:24:31] I told all my friends that she died falling off a yacht.
[00:24:36] And that caused me nothing.
[00:24:39] But.
[00:24:41] But pain.
[00:24:42] Because everyone turned on me.
[00:24:43] Because I thought I was this rich kid who had a rich mother and a yacht.
[00:24:48] Hey, wait a second.
[00:24:50] Yeah?
[00:24:51] Darla's rich?
[00:24:53] No.
[00:24:54] No.
[00:24:54] She never was.
[00:24:55] She.
[00:24:56] She.
[00:24:56] She's rich.
[00:24:57] You just said she was on a yacht.
[00:24:59] No.
[00:25:00] Oh, no.
[00:25:00] No.
[00:25:01] Just forget.
[00:25:01] Can you just forget everything I said?
[00:25:02] Just.
[00:25:03] Just ignore it.
[00:25:03] You said we were supposed to be without any money and only loving our hearts for Steven
[00:25:08] Tyler.
[00:25:09] And Joe Perry sometimes.
[00:25:11] Okay.
[00:25:11] So here's.
[00:25:12] Here's what it is, guys.
[00:25:14] Here's what it is.
[00:25:16] I'm choosing you.
[00:25:18] Okay.
[00:25:19] Um.
[00:25:21] Oh!
[00:25:22] You know what?
[00:25:24] I'm right!
[00:25:28] Darla.
[00:25:29] I hope that you eat rat poison and die.
[00:25:32] Here's your scarf back.
[00:25:34] And here I'm gonna...
[00:25:36] Just two middle fingers.
[00:25:38] Yeah!
[00:25:39] Do it, Elizabeth!
[00:25:40] Hell yeah.
[00:25:42] Goodbye!
[00:25:43] I'm going to...
[00:25:48] All right, let's get the hell out of here.
[00:25:50] Did your mother say anything?
[00:25:54] She didn't.
[00:25:55] She just stared at me with sort of an indifferent look on her face.
[00:25:59] Oh.
[00:25:59] Like, maybe she didn't even care.
[00:26:01] Yeah.
[00:26:02] I'm looking in the rear view.
[00:26:03] She's just kind of like...
[00:26:04] She seems like she's taking it in stride.
[00:26:07] She's just over it.
[00:26:08] I'm sorry, Elizabeth.
[00:26:09] I wanted that to be cooler for you.
[00:26:12] I really...
[00:26:14] I built her up in my mind as this, like...
[00:26:17] Really amazing and powerful and independent and...
[00:26:21] I mean, she really is all those things.
[00:26:23] She started a cannibal cult that...
[00:26:26] Yeah, in the desert.
[00:26:27] That makes things out of rats.
[00:26:29] I mean...
[00:26:29] Wait, wait!
[00:26:30] Look in the mirror!
[00:26:30] She's running up to us!
[00:26:31] Oh!
[00:26:32] She's...
[00:26:32] Look!
[00:26:33] Um...
[00:26:33] Okay, Elizabeth.
[00:26:35] We don't have to stop.
[00:26:36] No, let's stop, Adam.
[00:26:38] Okay.
[00:26:38] Let's stop and see what this bitch has to say.
[00:26:41] Ooh!
[00:26:42] Okay.
[00:26:42] All right.
[00:26:43] I'll slow down and roll down the window.
[00:26:45] Hey, how's it going?
[00:26:46] Oh!
[00:26:46] Hi!
[00:26:47] Thank you so much for stopping.
[00:26:49] Um, listen.
[00:26:49] I'm going to need those scarves back.
[00:26:51] Oh.
[00:26:52] Uh...
[00:26:53] Okay.
[00:26:54] Okay.
[00:26:55] All right.
[00:26:55] Here it is.
[00:26:57] All of them.
[00:26:57] All of them.
[00:26:58] Okay.
[00:26:58] I see that other one.
[00:27:00] Hey!
[00:27:01] You know what?
[00:27:02] Pound Sand!
[00:27:03] You...
[00:27:04] You...
[00:27:05] You...
[00:27:05] You...
[00:27:05] You...
[00:27:05] Fuck this.
[00:27:06] I'm taking the scarves back.
[00:27:07] Let's drive!
[00:27:07] Two middle fingers!
[00:27:09] Ah!
[00:27:13] Oh!
[00:27:13] Oh!
[00:27:13] Oh!
[00:27:14] Go get them, dogs!
[00:27:20] Go on, I'm going.
[00:27:21] Go on.
[00:27:22] The scarves really set her off.
[00:27:24] Oh, God.
[00:27:24] Yeah, it seems like she cares a lot more about the scarves than any other tangible thing in
[00:27:28] her life.
[00:27:29] Yeah.
[00:27:29] These are pretty nice, though.
[00:27:31] Like, they did a good job with these.
[00:27:32] You can barely tell it's rats.
[00:27:34] They're crafty.
[00:27:35] And the other plus side is...
[00:27:38] Mm-hmm.
[00:27:38] Maybe they'll find my sister one day.
[00:27:40] Oh.
[00:27:42] Uh.
[00:27:43] Yeah.
[00:27:44] Yeah.
[00:27:45] Yeah, let's just do this again.
[00:27:47] That'll be fun.
[00:27:48] You know what, though?
[00:27:49] At the very end of the day, we have our family right here in this truck, and I'm glad to be
[00:27:56] here with the both of you.
[00:27:58] Yeah.
[00:27:58] Aw, me too.
[00:28:00] All right.
[00:28:01] Let's all go to our own rooms for a little bit.
[00:28:04] We have rooms?
[00:28:05] In the fire truck?
[00:28:06] Yeah, we have rooms in the fire truck.
[00:28:07] Oh, we're calling these corners rooms now?
[00:28:10] Yeah.
[00:28:10] That's fun.
[00:28:11] We're living really well.
[00:28:13] Things are going good.
[00:28:22] I'm Jenny.
[00:28:23] And I'm Randy.
[00:28:24] And I'm Rob.
[00:28:25] And thank you so much for listening to Welcome to the Apocalypse.
[00:28:29] Thank you to our pal Penny for this episode's listener-line suggestion.
[00:28:33] When life hands you lemons, just say fuck it and bail.
[00:28:37] Which was surprisingly hard to find a spot to drop that in nicely.
[00:28:42] We'll reveal next week's winning line and who has to read it at the end of this episode.
[00:28:47] To submit your own line suggestions, look for submission posts on our Instagram page
[00:28:51] at Welcome to the Apocalypse Pod or the Podcastica Facebook page.
[00:28:55] If you'd like to send us any of your other thoughts and questions, you can find all our
[00:28:59] contact information at podcastica.com.
[00:29:02] And if you send us something, maybe a character will read it.
[00:29:05] While you're at Podcastica, be sure to check out our other shows like The Cast of the Rings,
[00:29:11] which is currently covering The Rings of Power.
[00:29:14] Although by the time this is out, Rings of Power may have ended.
[00:29:16] But if you're watching it and you just need somebody to break down all of the minutia for
[00:29:22] you, you gotta check out The Cast of the Rings.
[00:29:25] And a special thanks to our guest, Andrea, for entering the apocalypse with us.
[00:29:31] You can follow Andrea on Instagram at PrairieDrawl.
[00:29:36] It's like the word prairie, but then D-R-A-W-L, where she does comics and art.
[00:29:43] Oh, do I say something now?
[00:29:44] Yeah.
[00:29:45] Sorry, I was looking at the Instagram.
[00:29:47] That's our show.
[00:29:49] Until next time.
[00:29:50] Welcome to the apocalypse.
[00:29:55] Next time on Welcome to the Apocalypse.
[00:29:59] I can't talk right now.
[00:30:01] We've got cows.
[00:30:02] Hey, you know what?
[00:30:09] Pound Sand, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.
[00:30:13] I don't feel comfortable calling you anything mean.
[00:30:17] I don't know you well enough.
[00:30:19] All right, you know what?
[00:30:20] All right, hold on, I got one.
[00:30:21] You know what?
[00:30:22] Fuck this.
[00:30:23] I'm taking the scar spec.
[00:30:24] Let's drive.
[00:30:25] Ah!
[00:30:26] Ah!
[00:30:28] See you next time.