15. Fiera Sparks and the Inevitable Smack Down

[00:00:01] and the Inevitable Smack Down, Welcome to the Apocalypse. It's gonna be the three of you on stage and here's the unfortunate news. Only two of you will survive. My mother intends for one of us to die. I know I'm gonna rock so it probably won't be me. That was one of the best Aerosmith concerts we've ever seen. The tire! I've gotta grab the tire! Hold on! Alright let's get the hell out of here.

[00:00:31] I'm lying! Just like you lied to me my whole life, Jarla! Here's your scarf back and here I'm gonna two middle fingers... Moment to talk. Well, since we left your mother behind there.

[00:01:00] I know it's been busy with um, you know, fleeing and we had to find food for a while and... Yeah, she did send a bunch of Smithies after us. They were just, they were like throwing rats. Yeah. I know. The rat slingshots were actually a lot better range than I would have thought. I know. Yeah. They were very impressive. You know, I do remember my mother always being very good at crafts when I was little. Um, and she did keep saying she had like people who were really good at making things.

[00:01:28] So like, I know she surrounded herself with good people but... I just, I just really wish it could have worked out, you know? Like, I really, I... I just never thought I'd see her again and then when I saw her again and then... I'm sorry. I'm sorry to start us off in such a bad place. I just... Nah, you're good, Elizabeth. Do you think... Adam, can you pass me some of those um... Can you pass me some of those snacks that we stole from the shop? Um, what did we get? Uh... Is it like a bag of chips? Yeah. Do you need chips? I could really use some chips right now. Yeah, we got some chips.

[00:01:57] We got some, uh... Yeah, we totally have some chips. Um, angry Adam? Yeah. Um, I ate the last of the chips. What? I know, and, um, she seems like she's on a... We had like 20 bags. Well, I also found some of that, the green goddess water and I accidentally drank it. And then while you were fighting off the smithies, I was just eating... Look, she just... It seems like she's emotionally sensitive right now. What are we gonna role play chips? Like, what are you talking about? Um, okay, just follow... I just...

[00:02:27] I just finished off some of those cookies. Oh, okay. Um, so where are the chips now? Wait, um, here, you missed a couple of cookies, and you always want to go sweet, then salty, so here, you finish these cookies. Okay. Okay. Yeah, these, uh... I put some sawdust in them. They're extra chewy. Because I swear, if one of you finish the chips, I can't handle any more disappointment. I mean, I lost my mother twice, and now I've lost the chip. I don't know. It's... It's okay, Elizabeth.

[00:02:57] Um, there are chips. Um... Yeah, there's chips. They're, uh... I'm having a hard time reaching for them with my help. Maybe... They're hiding. Maybe we should... Yeah, why don't, you know, instead of finding the chips... Whoa! Adam! What did you hit? What the... I didn't hit anything. Wait. Oh, no. Okay, hold on. Was it a chip truck? Did you hit a chip truck? Oh, God, we've been hit again. What's happening? Okay, I think someone hit us. They're back. They're just hitting us over and over again. This is very rude. Hold on. Bang! Bang!

[00:03:34] Off the road. Just maybe turn up... Maybe take the key out of the ignition. Oh, man. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't do that. Every time we run into somebody, we just too quickly give up our escape. I'm angry. Adam, just keep driving, and let's just yell over to this person. Yeah, uh, there's an issue with that. What? What's the issue? The tires that we got from the Smithies. Yep. The new tires?

[00:04:01] Yeah, they weren't very good in the sense that they blew out immediately. Have we been riding? Oh, God. No. They just hit us again. Yeah, and there goes another tire. Okay. All right. I'm not feeling really confident about this new potential friend. Yeah, it's a pretty harsh first impression. Okay. Okay. Okay, put this next to you. Let's just... Yes. I don't want to grab your weapons. Okay. Okay, let's just ready ourselves. Oh, I'm so tired of this. And I got out the machete. Okay. And I got to load my gun.

[00:04:31] I don't really don't want to murder today. Whoa! Guys! Yeah? They're driving a monster truck. Whoa! That's cool. That is cool. That is cool. You know what? I know it appears that they're trying to kill us, but I do like monster trucks. Okay. Well, let's just sit here for a moment and see what happens. Yeah. Hello over there! Hey. Hey! What's up? So, we saw you drive by and thought we should probably tell you that your tie is a ship.

[00:04:59] Uh, you have effectively demonstrated that by hitting us? Yeah. You should not be driving through this wasteland like that. Move over, Adam. Are you... Move over. I want to speak to this person. Okay. Just get out of the seat. Just watch out. Okay. We can't all sit in the front driver's seat. Listen, just move. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Oh, no. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. My name is Elizabeth and I just have to say, um, we've come some from a pretty dark place,

[00:05:27] like both physically and metaphorically. And we're just getting out of that dark hole as a team. And I have to say that your care and attention to the safety of strangers in this time of apocalypse, um, actually is really meaningful and is doing a lot to make me feel better about the situation that we're in. And so I just want to say thank you for caring about us and being concerned about our tires.

[00:05:54] That seems like a throwback to olden times. You know, why are we thinking the best way to tell us that was to T-bone us? Why is that the way to communicate that? Because you weren't paying attention. We were flashing our lights at you. I don't know if maybe our monster truck is too tall. It goes over your fire truck. You weren't paying attention. You really can't be driving out here without something better than this. See, a reasonable explanation.

[00:06:22] Hi, so my name is Elizabeth. I'm just going to get out of the car, guys. I'm just going to get out of the fire truck. Here we go again. I'm even going to leave my weapon behind. I'm sure this person won't kill us. Why is she leaving her weapon? Because I want to start things fresh in a good way. So hello. Hello. So I'm Fiera. My name is Fiera Sparks. Sparks. Fiera Sparks. Don't be afraid of the chair I'm holding.

[00:06:50] I know it's got blood on it, but I'm kind of attached to this chair. We've been through a lot together. Okay. Yeah. That's okay. Margaret has a hook for hand. This is covered in blood. I see that. Yeah. It's fine. We get it. Hi, Fiera. My name is Elizabeth. I'm the medical leader of this little ragtime, rag tag team. Oh, you're a medical leader. Yeah. We painted on the jacket. Yeah. I see that. I have a medical leader also. You do? You? On my team. Yeah.

[00:07:20] I do. Uh-oh. There's more people in that truck with you? Oh, yeah. Just a couple. Not everyone. Just a couple. Just, you know, you can't go out into this area without friends. Oh. Well, that's true. We're new to the area, so it'd be kind of nice to have somebody who could, I don't know, point us around a little bit. Well, you definitely, you don't want to go north. I'm just going to tell you that right now. Oh. It's a real mess up there.

[00:07:49] Oh, we were going west, so. Okay. That's good. That should be okay. I mean, now I'm a little curious. What's up north? Yeah. What's going on up north? Well, hmm. I'm not sure how to explain it, so maybe we'll save that story for another time. Okay. I just, yeah, we didn't want you to go too far with your fire truck. Uh-huh. I mean, it's beautiful and everything, but you're going to stand out like a sore thumb.

[00:08:19] Oh. Oh. Oh, and yeah, you know, you're right, a monster truck, a lot subtler. Yeah, but it's reinforced. We got it reinforced. Can I just say, sorry, what was your name? Sierra? Sierra, but my friends, they call me Fee. Oh. Sierra. Sierra. Okay. We're going to need some tires, because as you pointed out, I think now that I look at these ones, it looks like they were repaired with rat skin. Yeah. Those are rat skin tires.

[00:08:48] These are not real tires. So if you could take us to a place where maybe you know where there's tires. Also, it seems very desolate around here. Like, I'm just seeing a lot of, I don't see any trees. No. Or houses. Like, what's? I don't even see any zombies. No. I actually haven't seen any in a while. That's true. There are worse things than zombies around here. Oh, no. Yeah. Is it cats? Is it cannibal cats? Is it man-eating cats? Have you seen the cats?

[00:09:17] Cannibal cats? Are you serious? No, that must be a Northeast issue still. That's good. No, we're not serious. Don't worry about it. We had nothing to do with the cannibal cats. Don't read into it. What could be worse than zombies and cannibal cats? Really? Have you guys encountered anyone that's just a wee bit strange? Like, I don't know. They want to lock you up or they want to kidnap you and take you somewhere else. Well, I mean, we did just come from the Smithies.

[00:09:47] Have you heard of the Smithies? Oh, there was a group that came through last week. It mentioned something about slingshots and rats and some weird shit. Yeah, it sounds like that. Yeah, no, I don't go East. It's a real shit show. I'm a wrestler. What? I didn't want to say anything, but your muscles are huge. Yeah. I also, I think I recognized the name. Yeah, me too.

[00:10:16] So, uh, I was in Madison Square Garden. We were getting ready for this big pay-per-view show. Oh. It was huge. I was walking out to the ring with my tag partner and, uh, she decided she wanted to munch on me. What? Yeah. Was she? Hold on. I'm going to climb up. You're still up in your truck. Hi. Um, was she a zombie? Oh, she is a muncher. I call them munches. Oh, interesting.

[00:10:44] Yeah, she wanted to take a bite out of me, so I had to hit her over the head with this jam. Oh. Oh. And that's when you knew that the zombie apocalypse had started? Yeah. Uh, that was, uh, the beginning. Oh. She wasn't feeling great. Um, she mentioned something about someone bitter from the audience. I thought she was just, you know, smoking weed or something and just came up with some ridiculous story to try to get me to calm down because I was super nervous about the

[00:11:14] match. Yup. And, uh, yeah, no, she, uh, tried to take a bite out of me, so I had to hit her over the head with this chair and now I don't dare to let go of it because I feel like, I don't know, I'm kind of attached to it. You know, I gotta say, professional wrestlers are a different breed of person. If being told that somebody has eaten another person calms you down, that's spectacular. Yeah. Wow. I love the human mind. It's really fascinating.

[00:11:42] You know, I hope when all this is over and I, maybe I'll be able to go back to school and maybe I'll become like a psychologist or something. Like, do you think that maybe in California there's still universities? Like when we get through all of this? Oh, I know what you're saying, Elizabeth. I know. You're hoping that you can have a match with Fiera. I am? Yeah. Maybe. I'm not struggling as much.

[00:12:10] It's more been trying to keep myself and my group safe because you just can't trust people out there. There's a lot of kidnappings. You did say that. So maybe let me just get back to the original question. Yeah. Which is, can we please find some tires and also maybe some chips? Because my friends seem to have eaten them all, even though I'm the one who's dealing with some emotional trauma. No, we didn't. No. No. That's not what happened. Nuh-uh.

[00:12:38] The chips are hiding. They were a very mischievous brand. Guys, I don't know anything about hiding chips, but I really can't help you get tires. We don't have tires for a fire truck. Oh. Are you? Your whole setup, it's not good. But what I can do is take you to a guy I know that may have something just a wee bit better for you to travel west in. You mean not? Oh.

[00:13:06] You mean like, like not the fire truck? Not the fire truck. Oh. I don't think it's going to help you. It doesn't go fast enough. You have to be able to get away from people. Hold that angry at him. Angry at him. Calm down. This is heresy. All right. We have to settle this. How? With a wrestling match. Yeah. Who's going to wrestle? Well, obviously. Me, obviously. And? Oh, okay. I'm an expert in combat.

[00:13:36] Really? Are you? Yeah. Yeah. I know everything about fighting. I know karate chop. I know kick. How do you feel about a tombstone pile driver? Yeah, I know that one. Okay. Can you excuse us just a moment? I need to talk to my family. Oh, it's a sidebar. Yay! Okay. Hey, guys. Yeah. Yeah. Look, here's the mission. Okay. We need some tires.

[00:14:06] Yeah. I get the feeling she's lying about the tires. Yeah. Yeah. I think if I wrestle her and win, some tires will like. Yeah. They'll be in the mix. I just have that feeling. But here's the problem that I'm seeing. Okay. Yeah. She's a tag team wrestler. So. Okay. I think she can only fight a tag team. What's it? You mean there needs to be two? So there has to be two of us. Yeah. I don't think she would even know how to fight just one on one. Well, Margaret, let's rock, paper, scissors for it then.

[00:14:36] If one of us has to get in there. Well, I don't, I don't have a hand, my dear. Well, she has a chair. So it feels like that's, are you, Margaret, are you? I feel like you're pushing me into this, Margaret. I feel like you want me to fight her because you want me to put all the feelings that I'm feeling about my mother and you want me to superimpose them on this Fiera lady so that I can punch her in the face. Do you do that in wrestling? I don't even know. So I can punch her in the face and kick her in the shins and throw her over my head

[00:15:04] in a tombstone pile drive. Yep. And then I can feel better about my mom. You want me to do this to release some rage? Okay. Okay. I think, I think so. I think the two of you might have to tag team wrestler. Okay. I don't need to superimpose trauma to hit people. Yeah. Guys. Yes. Remember I told you about undesirable people. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, look over there. Okay. Okay. Um, yeah. So why don't you come again?

[00:15:34] Yep. Get in the truck with me. Okay. Okay. I'll take you someplace else. Okay. Okay. You're going to have to leave your truck here for now, but we got to go. I'm just going to grab my gun because, um, there's like six, are there like dune buggies? Like souped up dune buggies? Yeah. And they've got human beings strapped to the front of them? Oh my God. They're the splinters. You don't. This is the worst of the worst. We got to get out of here. Okay. Let's go. Let's go. Grab your gun quickly. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Angry Adam, help me. Get up here.

[00:16:04] I'll help you. I'll help you. Come on. Wow. You just threw me in. Wow. You are strong. Yeah. Let's go. Oh, he's going fast. Ah. All right. Oh, he's just like, oh, we're sand dunes? What is this? Okay. Jake, Jake, we're going to go to, um, yeah, to Betsy's. Okay. We're going to Betsy's. She's not there, but Betsy's got like the tires and- Oh. Okay.

[00:16:34] So she does have tires. They're not going to fit that fire truck, but, um, she's also got that other thing that might be helpful for them. Oh, okay. The other thing. Yeah. I know about that. All right. Let's go that way. They're throwing things at us. Oh, okay. That's rude. All right. I'm going to take some shots. Um, do we- Yeah. Does this thing go any faster? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jake, put it in the hyperdrive. Hyperdrive. Come on. All right. I'm activating hyperdrive. All right.

[00:17:05] Do you need anybody to, like, climb on the hood and pour gasoline in- I'm already doing it. I'm already doing it. Good job, Angry Adam. I'm already on that. I got the gasoline and I'm pouring it. I'm pouring it in the engine. It's making it go faster. Okay. Drop the mat. All right. I'm dropping it. We're really making some distance. We are. Wow. This is a fast vehicle. Yeah, I told you. I did try to warn you. In your fire truck, you just stand out. They noticed you. They don't notice monster trucks.

[00:17:34] We got a whole fleet of monster trucks. They don't notice monster trucks? They don't? They're going to notice a fire truck because nobody here has a fire truck. Oh. Oh. You're going to stand out to them and I know you're married to it. You might need to think about something else. But our brand. Believe me, Piera, I think about being married to other things all the time. Um. Oh, okay. Is that ahead of us there? I see that little- It's like some little trees. It looks like a little oasis. Is that where we're going? Yes, behind there.

[00:18:03] A little- Is that called a copse of trees? That's- That's very sweet. Yes, they're the only trees here in the wasteland. Oh. Trust me. And so you guys guard these? Well, we kind of do. We actually kind of hide behind them. Oh, that works. It's kind of a sacred place in the wasteland. People don't- They don't go near it. They're too afraid. Yeah, people don't like trees no more. So over behind the trees- Okay. Yep. Yeah. We've got a little compound. Oh, nice.

[00:18:29] But it's just one compound of a bunch of compounds that we have in the wasteland. Okay. I'm part of a bigger group, but we're kind of looking out for people. Especially from the splinters, because they're- they're freaking scary. I gotta say, you seem very, very nice for a professional wrestler who carries around a chair covered in blood. Yeah, and lives in a wasteland and drives a monster truck and has a lot of rippling muscles. You know, it just proves that people contain multitudes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[00:18:59] Mm-hmm. Yeah, um, I don't drive the monster truck. It's a little bit too much for me. Jake always drives us everywhere. Thanks, Jake. Yeah, thanks. You got it, boss. Hey, Jake. Yeah? You stay away from Elizabeth. Uh, okay. Thank you. I- I had no designs on Elizabeth, but, uh- Oh, oh, you don't think- I'll keep that in mind. You don't think my apocalypse daughter's good enough for you, Jake? Uh, that's not really what I said. Uh, uh- You've created an enemy for life.

[00:19:27] Oh, uh, I- I really, uh, have no ill will, uh, towards you, but, okay. Oh, fuck you, Jake. Oh, that's very rude. That kind of hurt my feelings. Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Oh, sorry? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

[00:19:57] Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. All right. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, have you, hey great. We they're still waiting for you to walk away here,anno'. Hi-hey, hi- ACT. Hey, hey, t Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey present me inlai. Tell me aelnut was about own misa in the life. story, but I really have to pee.

[00:20:27] Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jake, can you radio ahead? Let them know we're coming in through the back entrance. Yeah, got it. We got a 1075 a urinator, so just get it ready. Okay, so this is lovely. You've got some little pond and, oh, it looks like some children skipping and, oh, those are just like a team of small wrestlers. Trade into the future. Maybe someday we'll get back to this, but

[00:20:56] at the very least, they can take care of themselves when they're out there. Okay, so listen, I just gotta ask, okay, while Margaret goes off to the bathroom, okay. Okay, I just gotta ask, so you were saying that you have a doctor named Matt, was it? Yes, yep, Matt. Is he like around? Is he, do you know if he's like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's in the clinic. Is he like lonely? Do you think that you know, just because... Because maybe I really need to talk

[00:21:26] to someone about like the emotional trauma I just went through with my mom and make maybe... Oh, that's a good reason to go see the doctor. Oh, I'm back. Oh, hi, Margaret. Elizabeth, you're not gonna believe it. You're gonna be so excited. They have an actual wrestling ring in there. Oh. Oh, you're still... Yeah. You love... This is... This was your idea. I'm pretty sure. What? It was?

[00:21:56] Yeah. I... Yeah, Fiona. You said the only way we could get tires was if Elizabeth tag team wrestled you with angry at him. I don't remember. I don't think we ever said that. I mean, and now that we're here, it doesn't... I don't even know if a wrestle... Like, do we still wanna... We're still gonna do that? It seems like this is a very adversarial interaction we're having here. The only... Is it? The only way you could settle this is in the square ring. I don't know.

[00:22:24] I mean, we can get the splinters to come in. You wanna fight with them? Oh, no, no, no. I'm happy to fight, Fiera. Come on, Adam. I guess we're gonna fight? Wow. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, no, we're definitely... We're definitely gonna fight, yeah. You can. I mean, we'll give you the tires. I mean, it's not... Oh, you heard that. No, but, I mean, we do need to fight, though, right? Yeah. Sure, sure. I think Margaret really needs a fight. Margaret needs a fight? She needs to watch a fight. She needs... She's a... She's a guest. Yeah.

[00:22:54] She seems to really want to see us fight. I... I don't know. I mean, we fight a lot, so I don't know, like, what this is really about. I'm not actually a fan of violence. Oh, really? All right. You wanna do... We could do, like, an exhibition? Yes! Yeah. Like, you know, Elizabeth, I could teach you a couple moves. Okay. Yep. Yep. That'd be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, do you... Are you able to just do a one-on-one match? Oh, sure. I can. Well, I thought... I... Oh. Okay. What happened to Adam?

[00:23:23] Angry Adam was gonna fight. How did he turn into a lens? It looks like that little kid over there kind of beat him up already. Yeah, I went to go talk to that kid, and I was like, Hey, kid, uh, we got there, and it was, uh, it was a metal folding chair, and then he... Yep. ...immediately started hitting me, and, uh, I'm a little bruised up right now, but I, I mean, I can, I can, you know... No, Angry Adam, you... Sit down, you're... Oh, he's so injured. Elizabeth, you're gonna have to fight for him.

[00:23:53] Okay, what? I'm fighting for Adam! It's for his honor. It is? Yeah, a kid beat him up. I have to beat up the kid? No, you have to beat up his surrogate mom, I think. Sierra, my friend, okay, fine, I'll... It's okay. Yeah, Elizabeth, here, I'll teach you this little move. So, I'm gonna wrap my arms around you. Oh, that feels nice, actually. Around your, your stomach, and then I'm gonna fling you backwards. Oh! Ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's called a suplex. Oh.

[00:24:22] Yeah, it's super, super cool. I always thought a suplex was sort of a design of an apartment building. Oh, no, that's a duplex. I know, but I thought a suplex had like, maybe like six, like a duplex had two. Never mind. Go on, go on. Elizabeth, I think that's, I think that's the blood running to your head, dear. You should wiggle out of that. Okay, okay. I think you're trying to escape. All right, let's, teach me the next one. Um, hold on. Baby Adam, over here. Yeah, okay. Oh, jeez, that was close. I need you to go find some chips.

[00:24:53] Okay. I'm doing everything I can to distract Elizabeth, but if she finds- Yeah, no. If she finds out I ate the last of the chips, she'll suplex me. Yeah, no, we are, I, listen, I got my eye out for chips, but these kids keep putting me in the, in the ringer. Oh. All of a sudden, I'm walking through and then it's hell in a cell. Oh, no. Oh, well, I believe in you, Adam, or whatever bullshit you need to hear to make this happen. All right, I'm gonna do this. I'm fighting for my life here. All right, I'm walking. All right, I'm gonna walk over. You go do that.

[00:25:23] I'm gonna check in on Elizabeth. Hey, kid. Hey, kid. Yeah, what do you want? Uh, hey, you have any, uh, chips around here? We need to grab some- Like, casino chips? Because we do have a game in the back that we've, No, no. You're a child. You think of casino chips before, like, the edible chips? I'm a child in the apocalypse, man. I got different priorities, okay? Know what I got? The heck is this? I call it the moo knuckle. Okay. On a council of, we're the tag team, the cowboys,

[00:25:52] and we're really tough. Uh, okay. Yeah, we're the cowboys. Like he said, we're the cowboys. And we're gonna beat you up. Uh, all right, so you guys are, like, assembling into- It looks like you're getting ready to perform some kind of wrestling. Okay. Yeah. He's gonna throw me right at you. Uh, cowboy! Ow! Oh, wow. Ugh! That really hurt. Take this! It's this! It's this! It's this! It's this! It's this! It's this!

[00:26:23] Can't talk right now. Uh, we've got cows. It's this! It's this! It's this! It's this! It's a child. I shouldn't hit back. Margaret, Adam, and I are going for a quick sidebar. Hold on, we'll be right back.

[00:26:36] Time for a hit. How about it's called the Eliza Beat Your Ass? I'm ready to go. Let's do this. Whoa. I think, you know what? I think Eliza Beat Your Ass is a great name for you. Oh! Yes.

[00:27:06] If you decide to be in the sport. Oh, yeah. I'm feeling really revved up now. Elizabeth, the crowd's going wild. Look at these people. They're all coming from their various chores and they're gathering around. And so, that's it. Um, do you want to wear some ring gear? Do you want me to get you some gear to wear? She definitely needs some gear. And we'll get, like, your hair. Maybe we'll do sparkles. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. So you can really be Eliza Beat Your Ass. Okay, well, how about while I go and get ready,

[00:27:37] could you think you can show these guys, like, the tires or, like, the vehicle or, like, the whatever? Oh, right. The tires. We will need to get out of here at some point. Yep. Yep. Elizabeth, you go get ready. Okay. And we'll go get the tires. Oh, God. I'm angry at them. Oh. You're a mess. Yeah. No, these children really know how to wrestle. We're training them for the future, like I said. You've got to be able to defend yourself. Yeah, I'm getting

[00:28:06] a lot of flying drop kicks. Oh. To the face. Oh. You know what? I just had a thought. Fiera. Yeah. Do you have chips? Uh, what kind of chips? Oh, you have a selection. Um, um, super tasty barbecue. You know what? We don't have any barbecue, but I got Cheetos. Oh, I mean, that's... I got Funyuns. Oh, all right. Okay, okay. And, uh, and some corn chips. So you can have whatever, whatever you need.

[00:28:35] I feel like corn chips are, like, the closest. Yeah. Okay, we'll take those. Yeah, we'll take the corn chips. All right. Oh, thank you. Wow, that was, that was easy. I don't, you didn't really have to get beat up. Yeah, we, we literally just needed to ask. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have asked the wrestling children before I talked to the adult in the room. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, all right, Angry Adam. Yeah. Come with us. She's gonna give us some tires, and then, and then guess what? And then what?

[00:29:05] We're gonna do some wrestling. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's go grab these tires. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the exhibition match. Woo! We have Fiera Sparks versus Eliza Beat Your Ass. Yay!

[00:29:33] Well, Tony, it looks like we're gonna have a good show tonight. Ooh, all right. Looks like Fiera Sparks is headed in now with her patented steel chair. Ah, yes. The steel chair. Classic. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage,

[00:30:02] a six-time heavyweight champion, Fiera Sparks. I can't see you. The crowd's going crazy. They're loving her entrance, I guess. Well, Tony, it looks like we're gonna have a good show tonight. Oh, we haven't seen this one. Do I just... Do I... Sorry, I just want... Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, a first-time contender, Eliza Beat Your Ass. She don't care about rules.

[00:30:31] She don't care about you. What? She don't care about rules. What? She don't care about you. She's gonna beat your ass. Sorry, I just like... I just... I'm sort of tangled with the ropes here. I just like hold one up and then I go under... Can I just... You know what? I'm just gonna lie on my stomach and just like slide... Okay, I'm just sliding in front of the body. Oh, look at that, Jimmy. She's doing the worm right into the ring.

[00:30:59] This is an interesting character, Tony. It seems like she's playing someone who doesn't know what they're doing and has never wrestled before. This is an interesting move. This will be interesting. Hi, Margaret. Hi, Margaret. Hi, Adam. Did you find any tires or anything? We found everything we needed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got it. Actually, no. You have to beat Fiera to get them. Okay, we're still... Yeah, yeah. That's what we meant. We're still playing that game. Okay. Yep. Okay. So, Elizabeth. Uh-huh.

[00:31:30] I'm gonna let you win this match. Okay. Yeah. So, Fiera, is this like... Just come here for a second. I know the crap wants us to get started, but can I just... Are you saying that wrestling isn't real? Okay, so it's real? Yeah. In that we're putting on a show for everyone? But the outcome, like who wins, is predetermined. But then we put on a great show. So it's just like a soap opera? Yeah. Kind of. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first sidebar of the match. Sorry. I guess we should... Wow.

[00:32:00] Jimmy, the smack talk that must be going on in that ring is unbelievable. Elizabeth, beat your ass is looking more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Oh, we all know that one, Tony. Okay. It's just I was really pumped up, but now that I'm here, I'm just like, oh. Oh. Oh. You can do it, Elizabeth. Okay. I believe in you. Yeah, I believe, yeah. You're definitely not going to break your back. There's no way that can happen. That's never happened to any wrestlers. Oh. I'm going to put...

[00:32:29] I'm going to do a suplex where I grab your waist and throw your back. You should look... Ah! And you should look like it hurts. It kind of does. Ah, you're pinching my skin. Ah! This leotard really doesn't cover me very much. Okay. Ow! Oh, my God. Is she okay? That looked real. Okay. So now, Elizabeth, put me in the headlock. Okay. Yeah, but I don't want to pull your hair. Can you... Can you... It's okay. No, it's okay. I'm used to it. Oh, unbelievable. Look at this. Elizabeth, beat your ass. How's her in the headlock? Okay.

[00:32:58] I know I'm doing it, but like, I'm a healer, you know? Like, I'm a healer, and this is... Wow, Fiera will never recover from those injuries. Oh, no! This isn't what I wanted. No, it's okay. Elizabeth, I'm okay. I'm okay. Elizabeth, beat your ass is a vicious dog in the ring. I mean, do you think so? Do you really... Do I really look vicious? The crowd is loving this. Oh, my God! Elizabeth, look at your purple gear. It's shiny. Yeah. You look like you're ready to take on the splinters. I do.

[00:33:27] I feel empowered. What's our final move of fake fighting that will make me feel like a real powerhouse? Elizabeth, climb to the top of the rope. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, okay. No, no. Oh, it's really high. Oh, it looks like we're approaching the decisive moment. Okay, it's really high. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? Jump down on top of me. Jump? Yeah. You can do it, Elizabeth. Okay. It would help. Margaret, angry at him. Yes. Yeah. Can you guys count, like, one, two... And I'll jump on three.

[00:34:00] Okay, jump. What? Okay, I'm just gonna do it. Here I go. Okay. No! Unbelievable. Whoa! She has just taken Fiera right off of her feet, and she's got her for the pin there. The rest going in? I'm just supposed to lie on you like this? Yes, yes. They're gonna count to three. One, two, three. Unbelievable. What an upset. Eliza, beat your ass. Has taken out the world champion. No one has seen this coming. Am I supposed to get up? Yes, yes. Okay, because...

[00:34:30] Elizabeth! I was like, actually... Elizabeth, get off of her. I'm just... I'm enjoying this human closeness. Can I just have a moment for cuddling? I'll give you a hug after. Angry Adam, hurry. Let's get in the ring with her. Yeah. Take Jake's hand. He's gonna hold it up, because you're the winner. You're the winner! Yay! Good job, Elizabeth. That was... Congratulations, Elizabeth. Take that... Yes, you beat your mom.

[00:35:00] I think... In a sort of like a proxy sense. That leap. When I was leaping, I was imagining my stupid, stupid cult leader mom and other stupid family of rats, and I just left and I crushed her. But then, when I realized it was Fiera, I felt love. What an emotional journey that wrestling was for me. Unbelievable. Yeah, it seems like you're feeling a lot of complex feelings. I think your finishing move could be called the Rat Crusher.

[00:35:28] You know, you know what I would really like? Um, I really like those chips now. Oh. Um... Uh... I heard the... Um, we... Uh, well... Um... Hey, uh... What the heck? Holy crap! It's the splinters! Why was nobody watching me? Watching the perimeter! Because everyone was watching me! Oh, shit. Oh, God. Oh. All right. It's very distractive. Elizabeth, you distracted us with your wrestling match

[00:35:57] and now the splinters are here. Yeah, what the hell, Elizabeth? They're running off... I think I see handfuls of chips in their arms. No, they got the chips! Oh, no! All right, get my guns, though. I won't let this happen. I won't let this happen! I'm charging in. Hey, Adam, wait! Please, wait! You're so tired! Yeah! Those children, they did such a number on you. I still got energy. I'm just gonna shoot them while I'm sitting down. Oh. Well, Adam, just be careful. There's a lot of them and they... Yeah, I know. I think I got this. Okay. Oh, man,

[00:36:26] this is a really comfortable chair, love. Oh, look. Elizabeth, they're tying him to the chair. What? Oh, no, this is... We've gotta get over there. Oh, yep, they're picking up his chair. Leave my friend alone! This is actually kinda nice. Adam! Yeah. They're putting you in the back of one of their vehicles. Get out of the chair! No, but I'm, like, really comfortable. Spit on their faces, Adam! They don't look like friends! They're leaving! Oh, Elizabeth, we've gotta rescue him. Um, um,

[00:36:55] Fiera! Here! You gotta get out of here. I want you to take this dune buggy. It should get you further. Yeah, take that. It's much better. It's souped up. That's awesome. It's got a turbo drive. All right. It's not the fire truck, but look, on the side, it says family. Okay, the splinters are destroying the compound. Let's get in and go. Fiera! Are you gonna be okay? We're gonna be fine. Don't worry. Just keep going. Good luck on your adventure.

[00:37:25] We'll take care of this. Okay. Safe travels, guys. Great to meet you. Thank you so much. Anything about this group? I mean, I believe in the power of women, but, like, I don't know if we're that powerful. Those guys, maybe, do you think, I mean, can we get them back ourselves? Elizabeth, are you saying

[00:37:54] we need a man? I... Hey, you guys. I saw everything that just happened. What? And you're in luck. Who? I've been tracking these splinters, and let me tell you, I have learned some things. I saw what happened, and I can help you track them down. Oh, look, Elizabeth. It's a man. I'm Jenny. And I'm Randy. And I'm Rob. And thank you for listening to Welcome to the Apocalypse.

[00:38:23] Thank you to Wyman Owen for his episode, Listener Line Suggestion. I can't talk right now. We got cows. We'll reveal next week's winning line, and who has to read it at the end of this episode. To submit your own line suggestions, look for a submission post on our Instagram page at Welcome to the Apocalypse Pod, or the Podcastica Facebook page. If you'd like to send us any of your thoughts and questions, you can find all our contact information at podcastica.com. And while you're there,

[00:38:51] be sure to check out our other Podcastica shows, like guest Daphne's show, Run for Your Lives, where they cover horror movies, and disaster movies, any movie where you should run for your lives in it. And it's a fun time. Special thanks to our guest Daphne for entering the apocalypse with us. And that's our show. Until next time. Welcome to the Apocalypse. Next time on Welcome to the Apocalypse. Chisel sticks.

[00:39:26] Believe me, believe me, Fiera. Elizabeth, you're muted.