10. The Final Sidebar - (Season 1 Finale)

[00:00:00] Previously on Welcome to the Apocalypse Jonathan, what were you planning to do with these grenades? We've been kind of on the lookout for some people. We were gonna, you know, probably kill them. The group they're looking for. That couldn't be us.

[00:00:15] No, we're not a group or a family. Anyway, Jonathan, I love you. Wow, that kind of came out of nowhere. I know. Jonathan, I think we would love to come beat your groove. They're gonna be so excited to meet you.

[00:00:29] Oh, there's a lot of them. Jonathan, does your sort of menacing looking group have a name? Yeah, we pull ourselves to the Robbies. Who the fuck are you people? Get the fuck out of my house! Oh no, the yogurt. Yogurt's got in his brain.

[00:00:43] We did have a negative interaction. Robbie, the security guard. I think we're the group they've been looking for. Yeah, that's probably no big deal. Hey guys, how's it going? Uh, all right, they're not, they're not matching my energy. Uh, okay.

[00:01:04] Well, I'm glad we got out of that situation. Yeah, that was pretty rough. But, um, do these people look friendly standing in front of us with their... I mean, they're all holding yogurt cups.

[00:01:19] Oh God, I thought if I just said we got out of the situation, we would have gotten. Yeah, I don't think it works like that, Margaret. I mean, I'm all about positive visualization, but I think that's a little severe. Sorry, I thought you meant...

[00:01:33] I thought you were referring to Angry Adam's driving. Well, yeah, we got out of that situation. I'm not a great driver. I've only crashed the fire truck one time. Oh my God, here we go. I'm never going to hear the end of it.

[00:01:45] OK, wait! Someone's coming! Someone's coming! Uh, roll up the way. I'm rolling up the window. I'm rolling up the window really quickly. OK. Do we just pretend like they can't see us? I don't... OK, OK. Just hands on the wheel and act natural. OK. Just looking around.

[00:02:00] Oh, they're knocking. Oh boy. Unroll the window. Oh, jeez. Adam, just do it. Maybe these people are like these friendly good people. Hey guys, how are you doing? OK, first part of the introduction.

[00:02:17] I'm not a friendly or a nice person, so I'm going to need you to hand over your weapons. All of them? Well, excuse me. Excuse me. Just Adam, move. I'm going to get. Hi, my name is Elizabeth.

[00:02:28] I am a medical professional and I should tell you that we don't really have a lot of weapons, although one of our most important weapons is actually attached to our friend Margaret's arm. It's my heart. It's a hook hand. Oh, yes, my hook hand. Yes, yeah.

[00:02:44] And I don't think we can remove it. So but I mean, I can give you... I can... Oh, what do we have? What do we have? Here, how about this? This glass water bottle could be used as a weapon.

[00:02:57] I sometimes imagine strangling people with the scarf and here's a pillow that maybe you could smother someone with. Yeah, good. Oh crap, I dropped my pistol. That's that's actually an airsoft gun that I pulled the red part off of. So here's the thing.

[00:03:13] Every single one of us fellas over here, we got these big guns. We call these guns the Robbies because we are the Robbies. So I'm going to either confusing, honestly. Yeah, I mean, we do have occasionally we have some issues when it comes time

[00:03:31] to do inventory, but you call like food the Robbies to. Yes. Oh, OK. What if you accidentally eat one of your Robbies and now you're a zombie and now you know what? I'm about to Robby you if you don't get out of that truck right now. Let's.

[00:03:49] I guys. Yeah, maybe we just get out. I don't like it. I don't like it either. I don't think we have a lot of choice. And you know what? They could just be really protective. I mean, Robby. Robby is not a very intimidating name. So that's right.

[00:04:06] The key. It's quite sweet actually. It's bouncy. I feel like I've heard the name recently. Oh, they're pulling me out. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Nice. OK, I'm a whoa. She's old yet fit, but you still should be gentle. Respect your elders. You ruffian.

[00:04:25] Hey, there's quite a there's quite a lot of you. How many people are in this group? There was about 40 of us. There's about 40 and you have 40 guns. Holy cow. Brad, hold on. Let me let me do a quick count right now. Oh, that's more guns than me.

[00:04:42] That's not good. Oh no. Angry Adam. How many guns do you have? I have I have 11. Oh, I picked up a couple. It was nine last time you checked. When we get a moment, you're going to have to tell us all of the new guns' names.

[00:04:55] Oh, OK, guys, I appreciate the check in, Margaret, but we really should focus on what's happening right now. So can you guys tell us like? OK, so there's 40 of you. You have weapons. Do you have a leader like take me to your leader?

[00:05:11] Let me stop you right there because we got a leader and I'm going to take you to him. OK, follow me. That's convenient. Of course, it's a man. OK, we're there. Well, it's oh, Elizabeth, it is the Robbies. I mean, it's not the Roberto's.

[00:05:28] Let's go. Actually, we do got one Roberta. Oh, that's very progressive. Oh, could I meet her? Well, I don't you're going to have to wait until the boss man tells you what you can and can't do. Oh, we have like a hierarchical system here

[00:05:46] where he's in charge and we're all under him. Can I get a hierarchical system? OK, can I just ask? Sorry, I just want to ask before we meet the boss man, do we have to stay because I'm for one, I'm not really interested in re-entering

[00:06:02] like the patriarchy in this point in my life. I feel like that's true me either. Yeah, like could we leave? Are we trapped? Are you kidnapping us? Or could we just like conceivably get back in the fire truck and drive away?

[00:06:13] Lady, I don't know how many different ways I can say I'm going to shoot you if you don't do what I say. Well, you haven't said that so specifically, so thank you for being really clear. It was a lot of implications, you know.

[00:06:26] Yeah, I before this whole thing started, I was talking to my therapist about how I'm not direct enough with my feelings and that's on me. I'm sorry, I'm going to own that. And then I'm going to point this freaking gun in your face.

[00:06:41] All right. OK, OK, we're coming. We're coming. What I'm going to need from you guys is to kneel down. Oh, angry Adam, can you help me? My knees aren't as good as they used to be. To have a chair, Margaret's more of a sitter.

[00:06:59] Yeah, or even like a kneeling pad. You know, can I can I like lean on something and cross my arms? That's kind of like my preferred rest of state. Tell you what, I'll kneel for the group. I'll kneel for the group as the medical professional.

[00:07:14] I'm used to sacrificing my time and myself and my body, so I will kneel for the group. Is that OK? Is that acceptable? Um, I you guys are making this way more difficult than it's ever been. So I'm not going to lie. I'm also conflict diverse.

[00:07:31] So I'm going to pass this one up the chain a little bit. Hey, hey, boss man, I think they're ready for you. Well, well, well, what do we have here? We have a little group. Well, you really are a little groups.

[00:07:53] Oddly enough, one of the things that I am looking for is a little group. Oh, you want to leave your large group and join a smaller community? No, no, no, no, let me let me express and communicate clearly early on in this what we call this zombie land.

[00:08:15] It's what it's called now. My dear, we say the apocalypse. Oh, OK, early on in this apocalypse, I had to go to work and get my fridge and my door and my comic book. Right? Oh, my God, Adam. It's all coming back.

[00:08:31] I think it's and then and then these these people came and found me. And I met my soulmate, my soulmate. You did you met your soulmate? Really? I met my soulmate. Oh, Elizabeth. Yeah, maybe calm down. Are you two recognizing I am?

[00:08:54] And I mean, he didn't seem like the kind of guy I thought I'd spend my life with. But I mean, I don't you can't you can't really know who your soulmate is going to be. OK, you still monologuing. Yeah, you should probably listen.

[00:09:11] Maybe he's saying something about how we should. Short, they took my soulmate away, right? I was they were so they were right there. It was right there. I could have spent the rest of my life with them, but they took her away.

[00:09:28] And it was it was so traumatizing. I had to go chase after them. Oh, where did they go? And I had to go through this hospital and I met this awesome lady. Hey, Roberta, come over here, Roberta. Yeah, I'm coming. Roberta, I'm coming.

[00:09:47] Hey, Robby, can you stop calling me Roberta? I really don't like it. But that's our thing, right? That's like you said it was OK. Oh, Dr. Kate. Hi. I mean, wow. Hey, hey, hey, will you allow us a brief huddle?

[00:10:03] Sidebar. Yeah, Robbie, let them have a minute to the. OK, yeah, you got here. You guys can go in my toilet. It's kind of small, but you guys can squeeze in and you can have your sidebar in this portachio. Great. OK, Adam, Margaret, come on. Squish in there.

[00:10:21] Are we finished? Oh, take off your take off one of your other jackets. Oh, I need all of them. OK, can we close the door? I'm trying. My hook's just going to stay out. OK, that's fair. Who? Holy shit, guys, that's that's Robbie.

[00:10:40] That's Robbie doesn't seem to him. His memories seem a little well messed up. Well, I mean, if one of us is his soulmate, he did refer to me. But then he said he, I mean, it's fine. One is, you know, gender fluidity is something I fully embrace.

[00:10:57] Um, I don't. I mean, but you think he remembers soulmate? Guys, I feel like we're we're maybe focusing on the wrong parts of this. OK, they had a whole lot of guns pointed at us. Well, yeah.

[00:11:13] I mean, I know we're all looking for love and we want to be happy. But we have to be alive for that to happen. Oh, oh, Lord, I put my whole foot right into the toilet. Oh, whenever we're in a small confined space, I put my foot in.

[00:11:30] OK, OK. And also so so that's Robbie from the yogurt, right? He was like the first guy we met. Well, maybe we should ask and double check. He could have a brother. Well, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop. Yeah, hold on.

[00:11:44] Hold on. I'm going to peek my head out. Well, we're almost done. All right, everybody. Who are we? Robbies. Are we the Robbies? Are we each one? Guys, we practice this. What are you doing? Mark, you guys are killing me. OK, OK. What was it, Adam?

[00:12:04] He remembers the group. But he doesn't remember what we look like. The yogurt must have addled his mind. Well, I mean, as a medical professional, I can tell you that food poisoning does affect different people in different ways. So he's looking for us, but he doesn't remember us.

[00:12:27] And the question is, do we want him to? Hmm, I think it depends whether he has good intentions or bad with this group. I'm getting a lot of mixed messages. Yeah. There's a lot of soulmate and then a lot of you're going to get shot in the face

[00:12:46] and I'll back to back. And grab a little indecisive about this whole. I have an idea. Trepidatious. Look, Adam, can you stop saying big words? I need to speak. I think so. What about? We feel smart. Intelligent, you mean? Um, OK, so how dare you?

[00:13:05] What I was thinking. I'm not talking in this society anymore until you apologize. I'm sorry, Adam. I apologize. Apology reluctantly. OK, listen, I was wondering maybe we should split up. Like, like maybe I could talk to Dr. Kate and try to get some information out of her.

[00:13:22] And maybe, Adam, you could talk to like Robbie and Margaret. Maybe maybe you could. Um, I'll talk to that first group who came up. But also where the hell did Jonathan go? Oh, yeah. You were in the truck with us when we got here. Did he?

[00:13:42] OK, well, mystery to solve later. OK, yes, I agree. Let's let's go out. But should we? Yes, should we pretend to be other people? For now, let's just hit super cool, except with Kate probably going to have to pretend to be myself.

[00:13:56] Look, this is going to get complicated fast. So I think quicker we wrap this up the better. OK, yes, we've been in this point of John too long. I'm starting to really, really smell it. Hands in. OK, all right. And on three, go team. OK, go.

[00:14:15] Two, three, three. Go to go to. Hi, we're here again. Hello. Hello. How is yours break? It's good. As great as it was really restorative. Well, I'm glad to hear it because I need to know some information. I need to know Robbie Robbie.

[00:14:35] Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. You guys. Yeah. How did you get here? Who's us? I remember you from Lewiston. Hey, Kate, Kate, it's I'm just wondering your hair is so pretty. Could you come over here? Just over here to this part of the field.

[00:14:54] Thank you. Can we talk about your hair? I just want to hear some. My God, yes. I haven't had another girl to talk to. It's OK. Listen, Kate, listen. What's going on? Shh. OK, it's me. It is Elizabeth. You did meet me.

[00:15:09] Um, yes, you dosed me with quite a lot of teach, see, I believe. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that. I know it's fine. I've forgiven you for that. But look, we've come a long way and since we saw you, but we have a question.

[00:15:24] I have a question for you and I need to know, like, are you cool? Oh, I mean, I'm always cool. OK, like, are you are you? I notice you don't have a weapon. Yeah, they think that I'm like their Snow White dead mother or something.

[00:15:41] OK, so they keep like giving me brooms and like bringing me birds. A bird. Oh, yeah. See, this Robby guy. Yeah, I got to tell you he is he is a piece of work, but I haven't been able to figure out how to get away from him.

[00:15:59] So when I saw you guys, I thought maybe we could team up. OK, so like, how did you end up with this group? So they just show he just showed up with a bunch of guys and guns. Well, I've been going to different dispensaries

[00:16:10] because I want to continue my research. So I was gathering up supplies and they came in one night when I was sleeping in a dispensary in Boston and they just like grabbed me and they grabbed all my stuff

[00:16:25] and they started calling me Roberta and they put me on the bus. So these are maybe not nice guys. No, some of them are OK. But like Robby is like kind of crazy and can't really predict what he's going to do.

[00:16:38] OK, so if you could just like do me a favor and just keep it quiet about how you know us for now. Sure. Can you do that? Maybe my god, you're right. That conditioner would work. Yeah, I know. If only we can find a Walmart somewhere.

[00:16:54] There's one near here. Journey. So hey there, big brutish man. Hello. How are you going? Oh, yeah. Um, hi. I'm sorry. I'm a little thrown off. You're a very large intimidating man, but that voice is it's some it's not what I expected. I know, I know.

[00:17:19] I had a little trouble growing up. My voice was very off. Gotcha. OK. Um, so, um, wow. I had my intention had been to come over here in Sudoshu, but everything about this situation feels very uncomfortable now. So, so how long have you been with this group?

[00:17:44] I just found out I was like at a gas station when the zombies hit. So then he came driving along and had all these guys and be like 20 or something. So so I just been like here. So I don't. I don't. OK. OK, well, I'm insightful. Thank you.

[00:18:20] You know what? You're welcome. I'm going to look over there now. Sounds good. Just don't just don't like attack anybody else. They will definitely blow your brains. Jesus Christ. So here's the deal. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, so here's the deal. So I understand that we're giving me the deal.

[00:18:44] The deal is that I found the most beautiful woman. I found my soulmate, like I said earlier. And it was crazy because we bonded over the exact same stuff. Oh, yeah. We bonded over smash and windows. We bonded over killing zombies.

[00:19:06] We bonded over shooting a bunch of crap. It was amazing. Yeah. And all of a sudden I went to go get my comic book. And then I gave it to them. And then they just take off. But what was crazy is that there was the most beautiful

[00:19:28] like I I'm not gay, but you know, I would have I would have gone to town on it. But right as I met them, they chopped off his hand. It was crazy. And one of your lady friends has an arm that is also missing. Oh, that's absolutely.

[00:19:47] Bunkers such a crazy coincidence. I mean, you know, what are the odds of something like that? I mean, not, you know, obviously they're they're like high enough that it would it would happen again. But, you know, it's it's crazy, certainly

[00:20:07] that you would encounter a totally different group of people who sort of generally fit the descriptions of the three people who you are kind of mixing together. Not me. It's really weird because like obviously you're like an awesome dude.

[00:20:21] Yeah. And and I'm I mean, you know, I'm I don't I'm not into you. But you know what? I am an awesome. But you know, and your your friend, she's obviously a very nice lady. Don't get me wrong.

[00:20:33] I had some I had some yoga guts back in the day. So it might have it might have messed with my perceptions a little bit. But I mean like, like let me tell you this lady, she was stunning. No problems whatsoever.

[00:20:46] Yeah. On that now on this particular day, when you had consumed a lot of yogurt, hypothetically, was there anything like the clouds were like shifting around a lot or there's a lot of colors or anything like that? Maybe but they actually had pointed out

[00:21:09] that like the yogurt I was eating was bad. So like I stopped eating it and then my yoga got kind of cleared up a little bit. But after I woke up, I had to go find it. I had to go find this wonderful woman.

[00:21:24] And so that was when I found Roberta. I there were a couple of guys also smashing heads. But I did find some good yoga. So now I gave it to them. They basically been starving. So like now they're all following me around. And it's actually pretty sweet.

[00:21:40] Hey, Ravi, just you know, out of out of curiosity. I like look at the yogurt. Yeah, absolutely. I got I got my snack fridge over here, my work fridge. I had to bring it with me,

[00:21:54] which is one of the reasons it took me so long to get down. Yeah. All right. So is this the the vat of yogurt right here? You got a big cauldron? I mean, it's kind of nice that it's. Yeah, Roberta has been has been adding some extra.

[00:22:07] Like she says it's really healthy for us. So she's been adding some stuff to it. OK, and this yogurt is even moldier than the last yogurt. That's it's good to see. And there's also marijuana sticks in it. All right, I'm just making a little internal load of this.

[00:22:22] OK, all right, I'm gathered. You want some? What's going on? No, no, I mean, you know what? Actually, Robbie, I'm actually just eating like five tubs of yogurt before I got here. So I'm going to I'm going to hold off for now.

[00:22:34] But I'll have some yogurt in like a little bit. That's fair. That's fair. Hey, boss. Yeah, what's up? Are we going to like kill these guys? Well, no, we need to get them. That's that's kind of that's kind of rude to say in front of me.

[00:22:48] Oh, come on, this is what we do, right? We find people, we get the right information out of them, and then we kill them. Yeah, we just we like to have fun here. OK, just a minute. OK, I just I'm wondering if I can talk to Adam

[00:23:03] and Margaret again over here. Just can we go back to the week you just stand outside the party this time. Yeah. So what did you guys figure out? I talked to Kate and and I do believe it is us they're looking for.

[00:23:20] I talked to a child in a man's body, I think. And he didn't seem willing to be here, but also dangerous. Like he had nowhere else to go when he was just compelled to follow the leader because he had no other options.

[00:23:39] Yeah, and like he might enjoy shooting people. OK, yeah. That's not like a lot of like actionable intel, but I mean, I kind of gathered that about those guys. But I guess nice try, Margaret. So did we actually get any definitive intel?

[00:23:57] Yeah, no, I got some some some pretty important intel. So you remember how last time we encountered this Robbie individual? His mind was addled by Moldy Ogre. Yes. Yeah. Listen, I saw the yogurt. It's much moldier. It is the yogurt insanity.

[00:24:23] You know, they cranked it up to 11 out of here and now we show. And does sound like a good friend, Dr. Kate, maybe adding marijuana sticks to the yogurt as well. So OK, these people are unhinged and absolutely high out of their minds.

[00:24:43] Maybe we can bargain with them. They don't they don't actually really seem to have much security, despite the fact that they have captured us. They seem pretty OK with us sort of going off and doing a side. What if we just try and walk away right now?

[00:25:00] Come on, let's go. Let's just walk toward towards our truck. Let's just go. You know, casual. We're going to. Hey, where are you guys going? Oh, we got no yogurt. We're going to have a yogurt feast at the end of the day. That's what happens every night.

[00:25:16] Roberta, right? Right. You're going to make it extra special tonight, right? Yeah, Robbie, have you have you taken your special medicine today because you seem a little riled up and I think you could use it for your anxiety.

[00:25:28] No, I didn't because you you told me to take it up my butt and I don't like it. Oh, you don't have to take it up your butt. I think you misheard me. You need to chew it and swallow it, but you got to take it with food

[00:25:42] to take a big scoop of that yogurt and have it with the chewy. OK, oh, got it. OK, yeah, yeah, just a minute. I'll go get my medicine. Hey, is anyone as like a bunch of cash just showed up? Oh, God, they're going after me. Oh, why me?

[00:26:02] I've never been here. It's the cats. It's the glorifying cats. Oh, if we add them, they like leather jackets. We have to get inside. Do you guys have a building? We have to get inside these cats are coming in. Yeah, I got a lab. I got a lab.

[00:26:15] Follow me to my lab. Every time. Come on. Quickly. Oh, no, some of the cats, they're taking out some of the robbies. Oh, no, the cats, they're getting to me. I'm allergic. Oh, no. And now they're going for my tongue. They're pulling the tail.

[00:26:30] What is this brand of me? Oh, shoot, Adam. This is some good weed. I love Dr. G. Well, me Parkus will be right back. Stick around. I told you to stick around and you did very good. Welcome back. Quick, everyone quickly. Get off. Get off.

[00:27:01] You guys got here kind of at the best time. OK, because I've been working on a plan to get out and. Oh, and I got the robbies like real stone. Oh, brilliant. Well, the cats did just kill like 10 robbies. So like that's.

[00:27:17] I've been training the cats to go after the robbies. But I've been I've been hoarding some of the meat and putting it in the robbies pockets. Oh, that's what that smell was. OK, so we're all inside the building. OK, is Robbie did Robbie get eaten?

[00:27:32] I'm looking out the window now. He's he's the cats actually they like him. Damn it. You know what? He hasn't changed his clothes in like three weeks. He probably doesn't have the meat pockets. OK, I can't believe those cats.

[00:27:43] So so Kate, you know these they're like weird cannibal cats. They like eat people. I guess that's not cannibal. They're like, oh, yeah. So Elizabeth, you may have been a sleep for this one. Yeah, Margaret, I may have something to do with the feral cat population.

[00:28:04] And then that is ravaging the northeast. We accidentally let them out and they were fighting the zombies for a bit. But they seem worse than the zombies and must have been following us this whole way. What are we going to do?

[00:28:18] We're trapped inside the building with the robbies. Outside is filled with cats and zombies. What are we going to do? We're stuck inside this building with the people who want to kill us if they find out who we are. That yogurt is laced.

[00:28:33] A lot of the robbies, not all of them, but a lot of the robbies are going to pass out soon, like any minute. OK, OK. And if you help me and you let me ride on your fire truck, but on the top surfing like Teen Wolf,

[00:28:47] yeah, I will take you with me. When I break out of here, you got to help me carry all my weed, though. Hey, should we be having this conversation in front of one of the robbies? I mean, to be honest, I wasn't really listening.

[00:29:03] Hi. Yeah, see, it's working. Oh, yeah. No, the other robbies are starting to drop, except this one. How you doing? To be honest, I've got them. I've got them. Oh, my gosh. Hey, big guy, if you do one thing wrong, I'll jab this hook through your neck.

[00:29:22] I'll lift you off of the ground and I'll I'll I'll get something really mean that you were going, you're doing real good. Bad ass one arm lady. Go for it. Yeah. Sorry, I forgot your name. It's Margaret. Margaret. Hi, Dr. Kate. It's good to see you.

[00:29:38] All right. All right. You brute, come with me out this door. OK, this is very I'm glad he's so cooperative. To be honest, all we had planned for today was yoga. Robbie doesn't really do good with agendas. Hey, hey, Robbie. Hey, what's what are you guys doing?

[00:29:57] The guy who's had an attack on the cats. Robbie, I have one of your guys held hostage. I don't understand, but they had like guns like I don't I don't get it. Well, you don't know who you've been messing with, young man.

[00:30:10] Margaret's been channeling the rage she's been feeling for years in an oppressed society as a woman in the 90s and she's coming back to reclaim her life. Yeah, there's a lot of sort of society. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that part again.

[00:30:26] There's been a lot of societal. No, no, no, not you, not you. You. Yeah. Lady, you say that again. I said that Margaret is filled with. No, the high pitched emotional crap. Oh, keep saying it. OK, Margaret is she she was born in the.

[00:30:42] Oh my God, it was you. What? You took the love of my life. She I can't remember her name, but you took. I did. I can remember the whiny emotional crap you would out of your mouth. So you mean I'm not the love of your life?

[00:30:59] What is wrong with you? So many things I've been seeing therapists for decades and it isn't helping. Yeah, we who we who. I'm a fire. I'm going to shoot my gun in the air. Don't come here. Oh, yeah, I guess I'm not supposed to have this.

[00:31:15] Hey, Robbie, can you forget that you saw that? So what? Elizabeth, yeah, don't you listen to this brute? OK, he doesn't know what he's talking about. No, he really doesn't. Hey, guys, don't stop messing with the grenades over there.

[00:31:30] I know that the cats mess you up, but you can't just blow them up. OK, so are you saying that you that you remember me, sir? I mean, not fondly, but you do remember me as an irritant from your past.

[00:31:42] You were the one who took the beautiful woman away from me. You mean Margaret? No, she's, you know, she's very nice. But no, the beautiful I don't know where she is. She must have been around here somewhere. The only other person in our group was Adam, angry Adam.

[00:31:59] Angry Adam. Yeah, angry Adam. But she was smashing bats and smash it. She kicked in the door. It was the best thing I've ever seen. Hey, was that maybe you remember maybe an angry Annette?

[00:32:14] I mean, she was definitely angry, but I mean, it was just it was chemistry at first sight. I think I think Robbie's Robbie's got his wide, wide cross from all the over. I think he thinks I'm a pretty lady. OK, Robbie, so what, you know, I could be.

[00:32:29] Yeah, you're very attractive. You have you actually have quite an, you know, androgynous cheekbones. OK, so enviable really. I mean, and what I wouldn't give for your skin. Maybe we could use this. We could put a dress on Adam and send him out there to seduce Robbie.

[00:32:48] This seems I mean, we're like already sort of in a confrontation. I think it's sort of a little late to use like a loony tunes technique and I get out of this situation. Can I just say really quickly, Kate? I'm tired of us using Adam for bait.

[00:33:03] It happens quite a bit and I just don't like it. I didn't know I I didn't know. And so cute, I wouldn't let anything happen. Oh, my goodness. All right. And we really shouldn't have done this aside because now Robbie's has a gun pointed at us.

[00:33:18] Oh, all right. So you let my guy go. Oh, oh, my God. I go get that meat hook out of his throat. Oh, no, the Robbies are starting to gather up. They're getting they're getting past the cats. There's like 10 of them. They got the guns pointed at us.

[00:33:35] Some of the dead Robbies are getting up too. All right. Are any of you a good shot? Because I really I'm not. I don't have double vision. Can any of you shoot these guns? I'm pull up my pistols and I start shooting.

[00:33:49] Oh, I got to die behind cover. Oh, the gunfight started. Get behind cover. You we could have had a life together. Oh, great. Angry Adam. Look what you did. What did you use all of your bullets? Well, I mean, I've been shooting a lot.

[00:34:06] OK, maybe you've been running on ammo and didn't want to tell anyone. I'm the gun guy. Oh, crap. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. There's a grenade. Quick, run right over the tables. Get out of the tables.

[00:34:19] Oh, crap. I forgot to pull the gun. That one got to go find another grenade. Wait. Oh, OK. We can like throw that back, right? Throw it back. Throw it back. Yeah. Oh, crap. I forgot to pull the pin too. Damn it. Oh, my god. What?

[00:34:31] Ow! That hurt, you son of a bitch. I just hit him in the head. That's good. That's good. That's not bad. Yeah, that's good aim. Hey, does anyone have any ammo for a chance? I know I'm like the gun guy, but you guys are like...

[00:34:45] They sleep in Robbie guys might have some in their pockets. Let's check their pockets. I don't know that any of them have any. This is all bazooka gum. Damn it. Is this? Are we living our own Alamo?

[00:35:00] There's a lot of gunfire and it's starting to seem a little bit. Oh, it's shooting. Get down. It's coming through the window. Quickly under this table. What? Dive. Dive. OK. OK. Do we all fit? It's pretty small. OK. I'll just push over here.

[00:35:18] All right. Just to be clear. But I guess it's a little preferable to being riddled with bullets. Are we like side barring in the middle of this? Yeah, I think we have time for a side bar. OK. Yeah, I mean why not? Here's the thing, guys.

[00:35:34] I'm starting to feel like maybe this is our last side bar. What? Margaret, don't say that. You mean you think we might die? Um, I don't want to say it out loud. OK. So what you said. Uh, you know, I like I can't get shot.

[00:35:56] That would be that doesn't make any sense. I'm too cool and tough for that. Yeah, that's that's right, Henry Adam. You are too tough and cool to get shot. I think your two leather jackets will protect you. Yes, it's functional body armor.

[00:36:11] Yeah, do you think we could do? Think we could put our arms around each other and just sort of like just have a have a have a embrace if it's the last one or or just one of many more to come. Yeah, the second one definitely.

[00:36:25] Yeah, let's have the first of many, many hugs. OK, I think maybe we should go around the circle and tell each other. Um, our favorite thing about what's happened the past past 10 weeks. Uh, 10 weeks. It's the timeline. No, it's like 20ish days. Oh, OK.

[00:36:49] You were really high there for a while. I was super high. OK, I think I want to start. I think my favorite thing that's happened is when I think it really brought us

[00:37:00] all together as a family when we almost adopted that little boy that we met in the mall. What was his name? Um, B-B-Borby? George. George? Oh, George. George, remember that? We almost we almost became a family with a child and I thought it was

[00:37:16] a really amazing step that we almost took together. And I think that might be my favorite thing that happened. Oh, that's that's amazing. I like when we killed that squid. That was pretty cool. That was good, too. I almost forgot we had killed a giant squid.

[00:37:32] That was pretty nifty. Well, he still got the tentacle. What about you, Margaret? What about you? Quick it down. Oh, holy. Watch it, you jack-offs. We're having a moment here. Um, well, it was very rude.

[00:37:50] I think my favorite moment is when I first met the two of you. Oh, no. Before this, I honestly was kind of lonely. Really? Yeah. And meeting the two of you, it just filled my life with purpose. And I, you know what?

[00:38:15] This is not going to be our last embrace. No. I can't promise that, but I can. Like, OK, angry. We're not dying here. We're not dying here. We're not dying here. We're not dying here. We're not dying here. We're not dying here.

[00:38:32] We're not we are not going to die. This is like a manifesto. So so do you think we should stand up and push this table away and and give it all we've got? Yeah. Hell yeah. OK, Adam, give it one good kick. Yeah.

[00:38:54] Oh, there's some bullets coming and now we have no cover. Now this was maybe not a great idea. All right, no, there's another table. We're back on the table. I can't think of a way out of this. Adam, break us through the back wall.

[00:39:06] I'm going to show it to us. Wait, I need a door. Is there a door I can kick down? There's no door. There's no back door. It has to be a door. You don't understand. It has to be a door. Stop. OK, fine. You need a door.

[00:39:20] I'm going to get this sharpie. I'm going to draw on the wall here. See this? It's got four sides here. I'm doing it. I'm doing a handle. That definitely looks like a door. Oh, there's a handle. OK. And I kicked. Yeah. What? Get in. It's George.

[00:39:42] Yeah, I saw your fire. Get in. He's in our fire truck. Get in. I'm with my parents. Get in his parents. Oh, look, your mom's driving. That's nice. Can't get more ammo in here. Great. Quick, shoot out the back. Shoot out the back.

[00:40:01] I have a conversation with this child. Some shots at the rock. Why are you still shooting at me? Oh, my God. You were trying to kill us. Don't act like you were innocent in the situation. Excuse me, George, are you trying to steal our fire truck?

[00:40:16] Well, at the same time, rescuing us or you need my parents. We're driving down. Yeah, we saw this big building and we saw shots fired. You saw the shots? We saw the shots and we heard the shots. Oh, so you can't even sign your fire truck.

[00:40:30] And I just said to your parents that those were people that we met at the mall. Did you happen to say those are my friends and my circuit family? Did you say no? I just knew them. Oh, OK. Yeah, I keep shooting.

[00:40:44] Hey, hey, hey, Robbie, while I'm shooting at you, I just want to compliment you. You know, this is a pretty fun gunfight we're having right now. This is quite the lot of ammo that we are expending on these three insignificant people. Yes, in another life, maybe Robbie.

[00:41:02] Oh, so then I took the fire truck, we hopped in the fire truck, one around the back and there you are. Oh, well, it's so nice. OK, is that your mom up front? Yeah. Excuse me. Yes. Oh, hi. Uh, your George's mother? Yes, I'm George's mother.

[00:41:24] Do you think you could drive away from here as fast as you can? I'll try, but was that old woman with you? Oh, did we forget Margaret? Yeah. Oh, shoot. Quick backup. We better go get her. Put a reverse. In, in, in, in. Robbie. What?

[00:41:49] Robbie, you've caused trouble for my family. This is a dramatic confrontation. Who's your family? All I see are these this really irritating lady and this quite manly looking man. How dare you? That is my surrogate daughter, Elizabeth. And she is a nurse and that

[00:42:13] is my surrogate son, angry Adam. And he has a lot of personality and mental issues. Wait, what? I'm proud of the man he's become. What do you mean by that, Margaret? So I'm not saying that the slap with the hook hand really would do a number on you.

[00:42:31] That's right, Robbie, you're dealing with the bitch with one hand and she's from Maine. And her breath smells like weathers, but she's bringing the pain. OK, is this like slam poetry? You had better believe you messed with the wrong family. Hey, Margaret, are you going to?

[00:42:56] Are you going to actually kill him or are you going to keep talking? I kind of felt like I was on a roll. Well, I think we need to go. We got to move this along. I think George's family has somewhere to be. Oh, right. Fine. OK, Robbie.

[00:43:12] And the last thing I want to say to you is you can call me the pharmacist because the world is over. So, my dear, welcome to the apothecary. Here's a grenade. Hold it. Oh, wait. Oh, shit. This one has the pen pulled right away. Quick, Margaret. Get in.

[00:43:38] Quick drive. Wow, this was this is intense. So George, where are you and your family headed in our firetron? We don't really know yet, but remember the mall? I do remember the mall. It was a really lovely time and we almost adopted you. Yes, I remember that.

[00:44:11] Yeah, remember how we thought about becoming parents tonight? Excuse me. Yep. No daydreaming. OK, what what is it, George? So remember that place? It was like in California. Yeah, the safe zone. Yeah, we're going there. Oh, that's where we want to come with us.

[00:44:27] Yeah, let's travel for together for a little bit. Hey, can I like come with you guys? Yeah, but don't you want to climb on the roof and experience? Yeah, we got to do that now that we're away from Robbie's crazy patriarchal dungeon.

[00:44:41] I do think the thing we learned most about this is that the patriarchy is kind of messed up. And that you have to physically smash it. That's true. It's not a metaphor. Yeah, some of us didn't have to just learn that.

[00:44:55] Some of us have known for quite a while. Oh, I knew I as a woman, I knew. What is all this? Is it oregano? What is it? It's like sticks. It's green. Oh, you know, George, that's Dr. Kate, you get on the roof.

[00:45:13] I'll clean up your gardening supplies. Oh, OK. Thanks. Yeah, I can't wait to do this. I've been wanting to do this since the 80s. OK. Oh, she's climbing up. OK, she's on the top. OK, she's up. OK, Adam, just Adam got her arm. Yeah, just rabbit, just rabbit.

[00:45:29] OK, you can drive. All right, we're going to hit the gas. OK, hang on. Oh, no. OK, she's just she is. Wow, we are just flew off. That didn't work even a little bit. No, but should we like go back? I think she's look.

[00:45:51] She's being eaten by the cats. She's being eaten by the cats. Oh, no, the cats. Oh, wow, they're they're teaming up. Well, she went the way she wanted to live, I guess, which is. Digi. Torn apart, eaten by wild animals and zombies.

[00:46:09] Anyway, we can't dwell on the past. We have to keep looking forward. So I think we should just focus on the future. Come on, friends to the future to family. Let's go. Do you guys want to kill anybody else? Oh, you know, eventually.

[00:46:26] OK, clean the slate, you know, please got me. Oh, don't worry, George, you'll never die. Is that worth that? I'm Jenny and I'm Randy and I'm Rob and thank you so much for listening to Welcome to the Apocalypse. That's it for season one.

[00:46:57] We hope you've enjoyed the journey. We'll be taking a short break before starting up season two. But keep an eye out for some bonus content in the meantime. Before we close out this season, though, it's the tenth episode, so we need to pick a random reviewer

[00:47:11] so we can send them some welcome to the Apocalypse swag. Rob, would you do the honors? And the winner is by our little dice roll. Winner is Greg, the writer. Yay. Yay. All right, Greg, congratulations.

[00:47:31] We'll be in touch with you and get your address so we can send you some swag. If you want to send us a message or get in touch with us and complain that you didn't win.

[00:47:42] If you want to send us a message or get in touch with us, you can follow us on Instagram at Welcome to the Apocalypse pod or find all our contact information at podcastica.com. While you're there, be sure to check out our other shows like

[00:47:52] The Extraordinary Cast, which is hosted by our guests, Greg and Penny. They're covering season two of the Hulu show Extraordinary, which is a not safe for work superhero comedy series. If you enjoy our show, you'll enjoy Extraordinary as well as Penny and Greg's coverage of the show.

[00:48:10] Speaking of a special thank you to our guests, Greg and Penny for entering the Apocalypse with us as well as Eric. Matt is our show. Until next time, welcome to the Apocalypse. This is the Aerosmith ride. This is the Aerosmith ride. Oh, hey, hey, shit.

[00:48:45] Well, what the hell was that? Oh, hey, boss, I'm really happy to see that you survived. Holy shit, Jonathan, where the hell were you? Well, I was going to try to ride that Aerosmith ride again, but it kind of blew off.

[00:48:58] Oh, my God, did you see that shit? Yeah, no, this thing's so fucking tight on the hits. I can't believe that you managed to slide under that dumpster just before the hand grenade went off, but that seems like a totally plausible thing to have

[00:49:11] happened, so I have no questions. You look like ass. Oh, yeah, you mean the fact that my head is actually in the shape of an ass? It's interesting that nobody's ever commented that before. You look horrible. You look like you were in a gunfight. Oh, yeah, that.

[00:49:26] No, those aren't bullet holes. That's from when the Aerosmith ride blew up in my face. Oh, by the way, boss, the one armed woman, the angry guy and the girl that I'm 100 percent totally in love with for the rest of my life, they definitely got away.

[00:49:41] That is the worst news I've ever heard. We've got to go find them. I mean, I guess we could. You've got to. You have no idea what it is that burns in the cockles of my heart. What are cockles?

[00:49:55] First, we got to get some yoga because I am starving. But after that, then we're going to pack up all of our shit. And first thing in the morning, we're going to take off because I swear to you. Love. Never. Dies. Wow, boss.

[00:50:19] That's a beautiful sentiment that definitely doesn't sound like it was scripted. I just came up with that. You know, that was pretty good. You know, I liked a lot. So do you want me to help you get out from under the plot device? I mean, the dumpster.

[00:50:33] That's probably a good first step.