2. Robbie and the Work Fridge

[00:00:00] Hmm? Ah! Hmm... Podcastica! Previously, I'm Welcome to the Apocalypse. I'm a nurse. My name is Elizabeth. I didn't think there was anyone else left in the hospital. Just woke up, my dear. You shot that man! Can you call that a man anymore? Skin's all gray.

[00:00:21] I don't know if you've ever heard about zombies. Yeah, things have gone a little... Toxic turvy sideways upside down. Pretty bad. Maybe this is our chance to get what we've really wanted in life. Do the kick move. I'd be glad to do it.

[00:00:36] Maybe we need a fire truck. Do you know why there are few of any bandits? One of those ghouls seems to have bitten me right on the arm. Ah, shit. Slow down, Adam! Why? You're going so fast. There's no need.

[00:01:04] I mean, we're in the fire truck. We're pretty safe. We're pretty protected. And Margaret is not doing well back here. Can you just... Society is over. We don't need to respect speed limits anymore. Ah! It's not about respecting speed limits, Adam.

[00:01:16] It's about respecting Margaret who is in pain back here. And when you go over bumps, it jostles. Yeah, we gotta... Hey, wanna do a little huddle while I'm driving at 70 miles an hour? Huddle? You mean you want me to come up and talk to you?

[00:01:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah. We gotta discuss the... M-A-R-G-A-R-E-T-S-I-T-U-A-T-I-O-N? I... Okay. I gotta see you in some... Elizabeth, are you leaving me? Margaret, Margaret, I just... I'm gonna go up and talk to angry Adam for a little bit.

[00:01:55] How are you doing? How's your wound? Is it okay? Can I see? Here, it's got a lot of blood coming out of it. It does. Is this bad? You both seem very worried about this. Oh, yeah! Oh, me, I'm not worried at all.

[00:02:13] Margaret, just hold this... Just keep holding that pressure. Keep the pressure on it with the bandages that I gave you and I'm just gonna go talk to Adam at the front, okay?

[00:02:23] Okay, well while you're up there could you ask him to turn the siren on for just a moment? Of course. Okay. Thank you. Oh, hell yeah. You didn't need to ask me twice. You could have, and I would have done it again.

[00:02:38] Okay, Adam? Uh, what's up? What's with the huddle? What do you want to talk about? The situation? Listen, Margaret has been bitten. Yeah. Does that mean he's gonna become one of them? Well, I mean, I think so.

[00:02:57] Shit. Well, I mean, we don't know how it works. Maybe... Listen, I have an idea. Okay. I'm gonna ask Margaret some questions. Okay. Hey, Margaret. Uh, yes? Hey, Margaret, you feeling hungry? Oh. You haven't eaten in a while, right? Yeah, actually, I am kind of hungry.

[00:03:19] All right, I'm gonna list some foods. Uh, okay. Got to name the one that's the most appealing to you. Okay. A tuna sandwich? Uh... A Werther's original? Ooh! Or... Brain's casserole? Perhaps. Human flesh perchance? Angry Adam. Does that seem appetizing to you?

[00:03:42] Are those French dishes? They sound very exotic. Brain's lasagna. That's not good. That's not good. That's a... All right, next question. Okay. Actually, I wanted to stick your arms out in front of you. Okay, like this? Like that? Okay. Does that feel like natural and comfortable to you?

[00:04:01] Like, that's just kind of the way they should be. One of them's bleeding. It kind of hurts to keep it up, my dear. But um... All right, I guess that... I guess I could do this for another moment. That's a plus. All right.

[00:04:14] How... How... Describe the level of desire to groan and grumble. Just don't shamble around. Well, that's the way you're driving. Oh. You're not even looking forward, my dear. Yeah, I'm asking you questions. I can't... You know, I gotta focus on what's important.

[00:04:33] Look out there! A couple of those! Oh, that may have been a survivor. Oh. Oh, yes. Look an orange backpack. Well, anyways... Okay, look, Adam, I'm not... Elizabeth, my questioning has been inconclusive. Yeah, no kidding.

[00:04:51] Um, I think... I think honestly we're gonna have to cut our arm off. Shit. Um... Guys! You know what? I just... I wanted to let you know you've had the loudspeaker on this whole time. And I'm... I'm a little worried you might... Okay.

[00:05:07] You might be talking about cutting off one of my arms. Margaret? Margaret, look, we've been around this a lot longer than you and I am a trained nurse. Yeah, pediatrics. But an adult woman's arm is just a baby's arm but bigger. How many baby's arms have you removed?

[00:05:24] Just four. Oh, Elizabeth, we're gonna have to talk about that when this situation's over. I mean... Okay, so I think what we need to do is maybe find a hardware store. And... or actually there's an axe on the... on this vehicle. So, um... We're definitely gonna have to...

[00:05:41] An axe is like a surgical implement. Yeah. We'll need to stop moving. I don't... Alright, alright. Okay, again, I'm wrapping my mind around the two of you chopping my arm off. And now I'm pulling over now. It's okay. Better start wrapping with Margaret.

[00:05:56] Wait, wait, wait, so if you cut my arm off... Yeah. I won't become a ghoul. Uh... No, no, you'll be fine. We think we'll... Yeah, yeah, there's... You think? Listen, if I was a batman, I'd put it on cutting off arm. Oh.

[00:06:11] Yeah, let's... let's put a cut off your arm. It's that or that. Or sure, death. You know what? I did say I was gonna look at this apocalypse different, so I'm gonna be positive about this. Yeah, look at the bright side. Yeah.

[00:06:24] And, um, Elizabeth, could you come here? Yeah. What's up? I want you to do it. Yeah, of course I will. Okay, but just... Angry Adam really seems more like a gun guy than a sword or an axe or a knife gun. Yeah.

[00:06:41] Put it around, have some cool asterisks in the background. Oh, I'm sure he has... I'm sure he has some sort of samurai sword in the basement of his mother's house, but anyway... Um, okay, Margaret, are you ready? Yes. Okay, we've pulled over. Adam, I'm gonna need you.

[00:06:59] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna need you to come over here and... You need me to chop off the arm. No, I need you to hold her legs down. Oh, man. Wait, what? You're gonna... What's... Who is that? What? Hey, guys.

[00:07:13] Hey, guys, what are you doing with that giant-ass axe? Seriously. Oh, sir, we're in the middle of a... A delicate and emotionally complex situation. Yeah, we have to cut off our friend Margaret's arm.

[00:07:28] Look, I want to get to know you and find out your story, but could you just come in here and hold our other arm down for me? I'm sorry. Are you a psycho? No, I'm not. Oh, in that case, you said which arm?

[00:07:39] Was it her left, her right, her leg? Which one? Come and hold her right arm down, please. Right, okay. All right. Oh, those are... Those are quite some biceps you got there, miss. I know she is so athletic. Oh, thank you. I'm sorry.

[00:07:55] I didn't catch your name, large brute who has just come in here to hold my arm down while it's being cut off. Oh, my name's Robbie. It's so good to have you. What's your name? Huh? What's the... Wait, are you Bid here?

[00:08:08] I'm holding a bit that bit arm. Slow, hey, slow, slow down. Okay, here I go. Okay, okay, okay. One, two, three. Oh, my God, the blood's everywhere. Jesus Christ. Okay, quick. Adam, Adam, Adam, I need you to give me some flame. I need to cauterize the wound.

[00:08:31] Flame, got it. I have a little baby flamethrower here. Okay, awesome. You want to cauterize the arm? Yeah, we're cauterizing the wound. Right, well, you want me to hold this up or like to hold it to burn it or... Oh, you mean on her? On her, sorry.

[00:08:48] Yeah, my bad. Throw it outside. Throw the arm fragment outside and we're going to cauterize. Margaret, are you ready? Here we go. Yes, just a little bit. I want to apologize to Robbie for how much blood I got on him. I'm so sorry, sir.

[00:09:04] No, it's no big deal, I guess. It's better you than me. Okay. Out of the circumstances, it was understandable. I guess I'm ready to embrace this new world. Margaret, you're such an inspiration. Thank you. Yeah, Margaret, that's pretty cool. Having one arm. I'm going to cauterize the wound.

[00:09:25] Yeah, Margaret, that's pretty cool. Having one arm. Listen, if I could like lose my leg in some kind of cool accident and then get like a cool robot leg, I'd be living. What? That'd be the good shit. Will I get a cool robot arm after this?

[00:09:45] Yeah, yeah, we'll work on that, Margaret. For the moment though before he burns the crap out of your stump, here, put my belt in your mouth. It's probably going to hurt quite a bit. Oh, what? It's so dirty. Why is it so dirty?

[00:10:00] So, why is there so much oil on this belt? I mean, I'm... You diving in an oil well? Okay, is this because we need to cauterize? What? Well, we've already cut the arm off. Yeah, I am losing a... Right, I'm just waiting for... Yeah, okay, go ahead.

[00:10:17] Don't far be it from me to delay the cauterization at all. Okay, okay, so put the belt in your mouth. And I'm going to cauterize the wound. Here we go. Okay kids, remember the letter for today is O. Whoa! Welcome to the Apocalypse.

[00:10:44] We'll get back after these messages. Today's letter O is for... Oh my God, are they really going to cut that woman's arm off on this comedy podcast? And we're back to the show. Nice! Okay! Oh, Robbie's vomiting. Sorry about that.

[00:11:10] Can the two of you make sure Robbie's okay after my arm was cauterized? Yeah, I'll go check on him and I'm gonna actually scoop up this arm and... Squirl it away. Okay. Don't worry about that. Yeah, hey Robbie. How you doing over there?

[00:11:31] I mean, I'm not too big on blood. I used to be a football player so I mean, like we didn't see blood all the time. All we did is... I mean, we got head injuries but not really like cut off arm injuries.

[00:11:42] You did kind of waltz into a bit of an emotional climax. So I can understand. I appreciate you guys being so supportive. I heard you were talking about baseball bats. I do am enthusiastic about hitting things with bats. Hey, we should totally hang out.

[00:12:00] You like hitting stuff, I like hitting stuff. Oh my God. I mean, this sounds like a match made on the gridiron. Oh, hell yeah. So where are you guys going?

[00:12:09] Well, we just escaped from a hospital about half an hour ago and on our way out Margaret got bitten so... We were really just sort of driving aimlessly trying to figure out what to do and now we've cut our arm off so...

[00:12:22] I think now we need a plan. Robbie, where have you been coming? Where are you coming from? Do you have like a group or a place you're hiding? No actually, I was part of a security agency after I retired a couple years back. Basically I just...

[00:12:39] I went to work one day and they had all this stuff on the news. Nobody called so I just stayed at work. We got a nice fridge over there. We had some snacks. We got some yogurt. I really had to kind of slim down a little bit.

[00:12:53] I mean, you have no idea what years of abuse will do to your body. But yeah, so I just been taking my bath and I've been practicing my baseball swing.

[00:13:02] I didn't play baseball per se but that was like my second sport back when I was, I'll just say enrolled in college. And so yeah, I've had actually quite a pretty good time just knocking the crap out of these pieces of shit that is just wandering around the...

[00:13:17] Don't get me wrong, I get it. The dead, I guess, I mean it's only been like what three days I think but it's been a good time. Yeah you must have really been going crazy on that work fridge that... Oh man, listen I can empathize.

[00:13:36] I too have recently had some gummy worm induced coma so I kinda... Oh yeah, I mean the gummy gobs are pretty good yeah. Yeah you get the gummy gut right? Oh no, I getcha, I getcha. So...

[00:13:49] Alright so plan, right? You guys wanna go somewhere but you got this big ass fire truck and this lady with one arm. Okay, so ideas, ideas, right? So like what was your... where should we go? Robbie? Period, that's pretty much the end of the question.

[00:14:08] I don't mean to be a drama queen and I love seeing all of you having a good time but could I get like an ibuprofen or something to help with the immense amount of pain that I'm currently in?

[00:14:23] I have a Flintstone gummy vitamin, is that... how's that doing? Those are actually... wait do you have Bonnie? Because Bonnie's my favorite. It tastes like fucking peach man. Oh yeah I got Bonnie, got Bonnie. But I have this liquid stuff. I like Fred, that's my favorite.

[00:14:40] Fred and Bonnie, that's what we're talking about. Elizabeth, could I talk to you in the back of the truck for a moment? Of course, why don't you guys go out front and practice with your baseball bat and X?

[00:14:52] Hey yeah, I found this van over here, you wanna go smash some windows? Hell yeah. Oh right, yeah. Alright Margaret. Why did I take a jump swim? Hey Margaret, I've got some antibiotics here I'm gonna give you as well as whatever pain medication that Robbie guy had.

[00:15:14] I don't... that just sort of looked like a container of Welch's grape juice, I'm not sure what that was. Yeah you just take my antibiotics and you're gonna be okay so what's going on?

[00:15:26] Well, I woke up a couple hours ago and turns out I'm in the apocalypse and then I met a couple of people and you cut my arm off. So it's been a day. It has. Yeah, how are you holding up my dear?

[00:15:44] Oh well, I'm okay, I'm not sure how I feel about this Robbie guy. Robbie guy? Like, you know I'm not... I'm used to you and Adam and you're my chosen family and I mean your family you're allowed to choose and I don't know that I'd choose Robbie.

[00:15:58] He seems... well, not like us. Well, he does seem physically imposing. I think that's what I mean. You, me and Adam were just so, so scrawny.

[00:16:11] Hey, hold on. I know that was sort of an aside but I heard the word scrawny attached to my name and that just kind of sets them alarm bells off. You have a robust personality Adam. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm robust. Now go outside and smash some heads.

[00:16:27] Oh yeah, that's what I was doing. So, so Margaret, I... but again, I hesitate to judge anyone.

[00:16:33] You know, everyone's on their own journey and I don't want to cast anyone out but maybe we should get to know this guy a bit better and see maybe he has some ideas for where we can go next.

[00:16:44] That's a good idea. Perhaps he has a place he's holed up where we could at least get a couple of snacks. I haven't eaten in weeks, I think. Yeah, he did talk about the work fridge. Oh yes, let's see if he'll take us to the work fridge.

[00:17:02] Okay. Hey Robbie. Yo, what's up? Smash! That's what I'm talking about. Where's your... where's the work fridge? Is there anything left? Yeah, I think it's only the probiotic yogurt though. I think that's what Susan had before she like didn't come into work for a while.

[00:17:23] Yeah, come on. It's right around the corner over here. Probiotic yogurt is going to be really helpful for um, for balancing out Margaret's gut flora so let's go. Um, Angry Adam? Yeah. Could you carry me? Okay, up on. All aboard the Angry Adam Express. Here we go.

[00:17:44] Check it, check it, check it, check it, check it, check it. No one scrawny could do this, Adam. Exactly. Yes, your pecs have great personality. They are the most verbose of all of my body parts. Alright, so yes, right over here, right, yeah this little door right here.

[00:18:02] Unfortunately you have to jiggle the handle a little bit but you have to like put your foot down at the bottom. Hey Robbie, Robbie, Robbie, I uh, you know, I have some feelings about door handles and uh, I don't respect them.

[00:18:19] I don't acknowledge them and I am in fact distracting you because I'm kicking down the door. Yeah! That was impressive. And there it is, door guard. Wow, holding me so strong. Alright, so yeah, right, right, right in here, here's my office and right here's my fridge.

[00:18:38] Now you can see by all of the magnets on the fridge, all of the places that I really enjoyed going in my youth. One's over here in St. Louis with the arches and one's over here in Branson.

[00:18:53] I don't know what the hell was in Branson but you know, I had a good time. And then oh, here's one in Vegas. Vegas was like my favorite place to go.

[00:19:04] Maybe I should go back to Vegas because like right now maybe all those assholes who beat me up before I, before I had to leave last time, maybe I could go back there and take care of them or maybe they're dead.

[00:19:21] Oh, oh Robbie that's, that's, I'm sorry you were beaten up in Las Vegas. Yeah. Usually people go there and have a good time. It always starts as a good time. Not suspicious at all. Okay, I'm gonna get the yogurt out for all of us.

[00:19:37] Here's a spoon and here's some yogurt for everyone Margaret make sure you eat this all up. Johnny, do they have a raspberry? Hey, hey Elizabeth and Angry Adam. Yeah. That, that fridge isn't plugged in. All of this, I think all of this dairy product is expired. Oh God.

[00:19:57] Look at this. There's mold in here. Robbie. Yes. Have you been eating this purple yogurt? Well, I mean yeah it's yogurt. They, they told me it was good for you and it tastes good. And like I'll tell you what, what was your name? Elizabeth?

[00:20:15] Elizabeth, you talked about the probiotics being good for her shits. I mean I've been shitting everywhere, been very regular. No issues whatsoever letting it go. That's what that smell is. Yeah, right. Yeah, starting to put some things together. Maybe we should get back to the truck you guys.

[00:20:35] Oh yeah, we should definitely get back to the truck. Yeah. Well Robbie, do you have any cool things in here you would like to show us? Like a toy or anything in the back room? Margaret, is that you? Like a euphemism? Toy's not so much.

[00:20:57] However, I do have this limited edition walking dead. Like walking dead. Like it's almost like it's come to life. You know what I mean? It's a number 17 issue. Let me, let me just reach into my cupboard here and I'll grab it. I got it under lock and key.

[00:21:16] So you guys actually, you guys step outside and I'll unlock it and then that way I'll be safe from you guys. I mean that way we're good, right? All right so you guys step outside and I'll be out in just a second. Okay, let's head back out.

[00:21:35] Well I'm not sure I just want to like hang around outside. Let's go back into the truck. I'm not surprised he's a comic book guy, you know? Not at all. Hey did you guys notice that the cabinet he was opening said Armory? No it did.

[00:21:57] Did you catch the fact that he was worried he wasn't safe with us? Yeah that was weird. We're very harmless. Yeah we're the most mentally stable people I've seen so far. Yeah. There's also absolutely no ghouls around here. That is weird. Just mysteries upon mysteries.

[00:22:17] I don't know that we have time to solve them all. Well what if we opened a little detective agency right across the street from him? I mean we could solve all of his mysteries and then the rest of the world's mysteries. Marv, do you have a fever?

[00:22:32] Is this a fever dream? Oh boy. Yes, I was just going to ask you why your head was now three times larger than it used to be and why angry atoms, snake tattoos are dripping out of his pants. I'm thinking I have a fever.

[00:22:51] Oh those are actually, I dropped some gummy worms inside lining my pants. Yeah I need to shake them out. Yeah that's what that is. Okay Margaret I need you to lie down okay? I'm going to let you lie down, let the antibiotics do their trick and um,

[00:23:06] I don't know I feel like we should probably get a move on guys. Robbie seems kind of like a weirdo. Hey guys, hey guys I didn't, okay I couldn't find the comic book but I got this bat. This was really really nice bat.

[00:23:21] But unfortunately I gotta go shit. So let me give me just a minute and I will also some of this, some of that woman's blood from the arm got in my eye.

[00:23:35] So let me just go wash that out, drop a couple deuces and I'll be right out to share with you guys what it is that I'm going to give you guys. Okay. Okay Robbie we'll um, we'll be right here in the truck while you're... Oh my god!

[00:23:52] No he didn't even make it inside. Oh god, that's right in the sidewalk. Oh no, oh. I'm okay. Yeah yeah you look okay. Oh jeez, he looks uh, looks pretty pale. I wish he'd hurry up and give us the thing he's going to give us.

[00:24:10] Yeah I'm definitely going to let you guys have it. I'm very excited to see what it is although also quite nervous. Um, I hope he washes his hands first. My hands are not the issue. I did want to give you guys this limited edition snow globe. Huh?

[00:24:27] Because we are right here, right here in this tiny little town of Buena Vista, Pennsylvania. Wait where? And this? Are we, are we in, I don't think we're in Buena Vista, Pennsylvania. God, like hold on, wait a minute. Wait, wait are you sure? Are you sure?

[00:24:46] Well my dear where? Where the fuck am I? My dear where are you? Where the fuck are you people? Get the fuck out of my house! Uh oh, oh no, the yogurt, yogurt's gotten to his brain. Quick he's coming at us with the fat, everybody climb in.

[00:24:59] Get the fuck out of here you pieces of shit! He's going to hit me with a snow globe. Angry Adam Prime. I'm hitting the gas. Elizabeth, I wanted to be the one to do this but I need you to get in the fire hose. Okay, oh boy.

[00:25:15] Okay I've got the fire hose. You pieces of shit. I'm going to blast him. Yes, clean his butt, good. Okay here I go. Oh, what a powerful hose. That was fun. Oh wow.

[00:25:29] I really, because I'm not happy, I really wanted to be the one to hose but under the circumstances. I can forgive you for taking that honor from me. Adam, you've gotten to drive, you've gotten to do the siren.

[00:25:41] It's the least, all I got to do was cut off Margaret's arm. At least you know you could let me have the hose without complaining about it. Alright, let me grab one. Hey guys, look at this. I managed to steal that comic book from Robbie. Oh, that's great.

[00:25:58] Every apocalypse story needs people reading comic books. What's it say? Um, oh, this is a playboy. Oh. He has some of the articles circled. He's really trying to give the impression he read the articles. I mean, there's some good articles in there.

[00:26:19] I think we're going to have to be careful going forward with what people we interact with. Yeah. That situation turned around quickly. Yeah. That's coming from a woman whose friends just cut her arm off. Well, we just did it to save your life Margaret.

[00:26:33] Love looks different in different circumstances. Very true. That's beautiful. And you know what? I'm feeling better now too. What? Really those antibiotics must have been very powerful. I think it was probably the Flintstone scummies. Or the friends we made along the way. Oh.

[00:26:53] Nope, nope. I still have a fever. So, uh, where are we going now? I think we should get out of this town. Yeah. What is that on the side of the road? It says disease testing laboratory. What? Yeah, I don't know. Something about this is sort of calling.

[00:27:17] Well, we need a destination. Where does it say it is? Oh, it's literally a sign on the right of the town road. You know, it was like a big, big iron fence. Oh, it's like it's right there. Yeah, no, it's literally right guys.

[00:27:30] I'm being very immediate right now. There's not a sign on the side of the highway that says, in five miles here's the virus testing laboratory. I don't know how I missed the giant building. I just... Yeah, we got a lot going on. It's been hell of a day.

[00:27:45] Certainly has. Perhaps we should go in there and see if I have any diseases now. Oh, that's a good idea. Alright. Let's move in again. Well, you know what? Actually hold on a second. Oh, I want it. I really want it.

[00:27:59] Oh, well can you save it for tomorrow? Right now I think we all need some rest. Yeah, I think it's time for nappies. And we'll check the truck for snacks now that we're out of the city and give Margaret some more medication

[00:28:10] and then when we wake up in the morning we'll feel refreshed and we'll go inside this disease testing building and see if they have a cure or if Margaret has a disease or maybe there'll be a work fridge. A world of possibilities.

[00:28:22] I got really excited about the work fridge. I'm really disappointed about that. Alright, everyone tuck in. Oh, goo! Oh, goo! These are my sleeping sounds. Good night, everyone. Good night. I'm Jenny. And I'm Randy. And I'm Ra. Thank you for listening to Welcome to the Apocalypse.

[00:28:56] If you want to send us a message or get in touch with us you can find all our contact information at podcastica.com While you're there be sure to check out our other shows. One that just put out a couple of great episodes

[00:29:08] is Run For Your Lives, hosted by Daphne and Paik. Daphne's a fellow mainer. They just covered Barbarian but the previous episode they covered one of my favorite movies Dale and Tucker vs. Evil. So check out that movie and check out that episode. Special thanks to our guest Greg

[00:29:27] for entering the Apocalypse with us. Yeah, if you get a chance, Greg has a couple of podcasts on the Podcastica Network. He covered Extraordinary with Penny and that's got a new season coming out soon. So if you get a chance, go check out his coverage of it.

[00:29:42] And that's our show. Until next time. Welcome to the Apocalypse. Everyone feeling about that? Good. I was playing with a stress ball and it exploded. I'm covered in goo. How long ago did that happen? About 20 minutes. The show must go on. That's amazing.